The Hopeless Romantic

Excited Fool

2009-11-05T19:56:00.000+08:00

I never thought of it this way before. I couldn't really concentrate too well while studying today. Had no idea why. Then just now on msn Nat told me why. Because i am an excited fool. SERIOUSLY. It was as if you could see the light bulb flicker on above my head. IT IS SO TRUE.

I am so freaking excited at the prospect that it will soon be over, I cannot focus. WHICH IS BAD. But that is not the point of this post. So yeah.

I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT WAIT FOR NEXT FRIDAY OMG. THE THINGS I'M GOING TO DOOOOOOO! There's like so much to look forward to I wanna scream man.

Going out with Natty, Amanda and Dionne on Friday after the paper, and then meeting my parents for lunch and a movie, then cell. Saturday is our first cheer prac after Os! Oh and I think we'll be having a 6 Hope reunion lunch/dinner or something. Then Sunday if Mavis or whoever is free I wanna go out and play! And then the next week Cleo suggested we go ice skating, and I totally wanna go shopping. I think my mummy's taking leave to go shopping with me, heh. Then tuesday, I can go back for p arts! :D Then I think Rebecca's coming over to swim/lose weight with me ahahaha. Then then. Friday to Sunday's cluster chalet! And then Sunday is prom! WHOOOO~

And the whole time, cheeeeeer would have resumed! WHEEEEEEE! OMG OMG OMG YOU KNOW HOW EXCITED I AMMMMMMM??!!?? AHAHAHAHA.

THIS IS SO INVIGORATING.

Now, back to the books.

NEWNEWNEW

2009-11-05T14:03:00.000+08:00

Had this sudden urge to create a new blog so I did. HAHA. Go visit www.that-v-word.blogspot.com hahaha. Haven't decided which I'll be keeping or maybe I'll just use both interchangeably for the fun of it. Oh well. Need to study nowwww. :/

Better Than Sex

2009-11-03T20:36:00.000+08:00

Hello, Royce chocolate is the sex. You are not allowed to disagree.

AHAHAH. I absolutely adore that phrase it's like. WHA-?

Last time, Amanda and I ate this really nice mango in school. And when she was describing it to Huai Chyn and puppy, she said "It's like. (widen eyes) Better than sex." Huai Chyn and puppy went like this :O and then like this XDDDD. It was quite funny. So I was like "Amanda, you've never even had sex." And Amanda goes "Well, I know. But I imagine it to be better." HAHAHAAH.

Anyway okay back to Lit and Bio. BYEEEEEEE.

Click THIS

2009-11-03T18:34:00.000+08:00

Okay srsly. MLIAs are FREAKING FUNNY.

Today, in Science class my teacher asked us what we thought of when we heard the word "evolution". I thought of Pokemon, but I didn't say anything. MLIA.

Tonight, I was listening to the radio on my way home. “Heartless” by Kanye West came on, a few seconds into the song, the DJ stopped it and said “just kidding!” and proceeded to play “You Belong with Me” by Taylor Swift. This made my whole day. MLIA

Today, the whole world came crashing down on me, so I got some tape and stuck the map back onto the wall. MLIA

Today, I wanted to comment on a friend's status, but it was only a few seconds old and I didn't want to seem like a stalker. I waited a few minutes and then commented. MLIA

Today, I renamed my iPod "This ship" just for the pleasure of seeing the phrase "This ship is syncing" MLIA

Today I was eating a cupcake when the phone rang. I panicked and stuffed the entire cupcake into my mouth. I still don't know why I did that. MLIA

Today, I was sitting in my room and heard a little boy outside sneeze. I said bless you, and five seconds later, I heard a very hesitant...."God??." MLIA

Today, I got farther with a girl than I ever have before. We ran 10 miles. MLIA.

Today I saw a crunchy looking leaf in the street. I went substantially out of my way in order to step on it. MLIA.

Today I found my ipod, put my earbuds in, and sat down to do my homework. Two hours later, I finished and took my earbuds out. I then realized I had never turned my ipod on. MLIA

Today, on MSN my boyfriend said to me 'You're such an angle', meaning angel. He didn't understand why I replied 'Aww, you're so acute.MLIA

Today while working on a french essay I realized that despite being a 19-year-old university student who has been reading quite competently for many years, I still sing the alphabet every time I need to look up a word in the dictionary. MLIA

Today, my 14 year old brother asked me if I would give him a bottle of vodka for his sleepover. I did. When I came home the bottle was empty and they were all extremely drunk. I still haven't decided whether or not I should tell him it was soda water. MLIA

Today, I began writing a paper that is due tomorrow morning. Instead of writing today's date in the header, I wrote the date it was three days ago to make it seem like I didn't start this last minute. MLIA.

Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it. MLIA

Today for homework we had to combine two animals and descibe our creation. I combined a bee and a ostrich. I named it a beeotch. MLIA.

Today I was watching Aladdin on Disney and realized that when he and Jasmine fly across the world, they pass a background from Hercules and Mulan. My world just exploded. MLIA.

Today, my know-it-all university professor said, "Was is always a verb". I then raised my hand and said, "It's a noun in that sentence...". Never before have I felt so cool. MLIA

AHHHH OMG I LOVE MLIAs ahahahaha. They're so real and random.

It's like,

Today, I saw a cat. And then I saw a dog. I knew it was a message to me. Time to take a nap.

Okay okay maybe not THAT random, but still. IT'S AWESOME YO. HAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway, I linked my title to MLIA. Go for it! :D

My Life Is Average

2009-11-02T17:32:00.002+08:00

A new website for everyone to go to, as taught by Weiqing! www.mylifeisaverage.com OMG SRSLY IT'S FUNNIER THAN FML. FML is like all oh my life sucks and incurs the occasional EEEEW THAT'S SICK. This one hor, is OMG THIS IS SO RANDOM IT'S FUNNY! Seriously. There are some super random but FREAKING HILARIOUS ONES. Take these for example.

Yesterday, I saw a teenager dressed as a devil jump out to try and scare a kid dressed as a priest. Without skipping a beat, the priest smacked the devil with his bible, then chased him around screaming, "The power of Christ compels you!" MLIA

Today, my refrigerator was making odd noises that sounded very similar to a dog growling. I stared at it for a bit and then barked at it. To my surprise it stopped immediately. At least my fridge knows who's boss. MLIA.

Today, I was reading a manual for my new power saw. One of the major warnings was, 'May be harmful if swallowed.' You think? MLIA

Since last night was Halloween, my little brother brought home a bunch of candy. Among the chocolates and other candies were those gummy hamburgers. This morning my brother had left me a hamburger that was missing the pink gummy 'patty' piece, and had 2 green 'lettuce' pieces. I appreciate my brothers subtle humor with my vegetarianism. MLIA

Today, I finally managed to say "Piii...kaa.." before I sneezed. I was on the subway, and the guy sitting opposite me started laughing really hard and then went: "Your life is average!" I shall never underestimate the power of this website. MLIA

Tonight I was babysitting. I have been pretty upset about my recent break up with my ex byfriend. When the girl I was babysitting asked me why I looked so sad, I told her that I had just gone through a tough break up. She nodded and left the room. When she returned, she was holding The Sims video game and said "Let's kill him!" Made my night. MLIA

Today, I was passing out candy, and this kid came to the door dressed in completely everyday clothing, while holding an iron. I was confused, and I asked him what he was supposed to be. The answer? Iron man. I was I was awestruck and could only stare at him as he silently took some candy from the bowl I had in my hand. I wish I had that much imagination as a kid. MLIA

I work at a YMCA watching kids in a drop-off area. One woman came in with five kids, two boys, a girl, and a pair of boy-girl twins. Their names? Chuckie, Tommy, Angelica, Phil and Lil. I was overjoyed. MLIA.

Today, I asked an embarrasing personal question to one of my close friends on MSN and they just said “JFGI.” I had never seen that abbreviation used before, so I googled it. Then I laughed… for several minutes. MLIA

Yesterday my friend and I were walking down the stairs in my school when we noticed the bulletin board had a sign that said "Have A Happy Fall!" My friend and I laughed at the irony. Then I promptly fell down the stairs. MLIA

Today for Halloween, I had to pass out candy to the little kids. When I looked to my neighbor's yard, he just left a bucket full of candy with a sign saying "Please take two" and there was a garbage can right next to it. I saw a little kid laugh and try to take a handful, until my neighbor popped out of the trash can in a mask yelling " I SAID TAKE TWO!" The kid ran away crying. This happened about 18 more times. MLIA

Today, I watched the Lion King with my little brother, who had never seen it before. When Nala and Simba were reunited and they were jumping around, he said, "This movie isn't realistic. Lions can't stand on their hind legs!" I politely reminded him that all the animals had been talking the entire movie. MLIA

Today, I dressed up as a Fed-Ex employee for school. As I was taking the stairs to my next class, I saw a guy dressed up as UPS. We had an intense battle on the stairs. I won. MLIA.

Today, I was going to the bathroom when I happened to glance down and see that my pee was blue. I screamed. Then I realized it was toilet bowl cleaner that I'd forgotten to flush. MLIA.

I go to Purdue University and woke up 20 minutes before my class started. Forgetting I was wearing our rival's hoodie, Indiana University, I got on the bus for class. A girl on the bus called me out for it and without missing a beat I told her I was being "stupid" for Halloween. The whole bus applauded. MLIA

AHH ANYWAY. That's enough. You go read the rest yourself. IT'S HILARIOUS. XD

Revolutionary Ride Revelations

2009-10-31T21:12:00.000+08:00

Linking on from Amanda's awesomely true post. IT IS SO TRUE.

I've gathered myself, that bus rides are the best time to make a new invention or remember some childhood memory that could save all of mankind or something awfully amazing like that. Or even just well, some self gratifying epiphany about that mystery meal you were wondering whether you really ate or only dreamed it. Okay I'm not making sense here but whatever. Studying for the Os is waaaaay too much for my little head.

So, as I was saying. Sometimes, I prefer to be alone on the bus as compared to being with people, not because I'm anti-social or hate the world or anything no no no. It's just, when I'm alone in the bus, my mind does fantastical things.

Take that day for instance. I went for a run with Amanda after our prelim paper a few weeks ago. And while we sat at the specs stand after the 6 rounds talking, I realised that the sec two sports class behind us wa shaving lessons. And i was like wah. so poor thing got extra lessons. But didn't say anything.

So after I left Amanda and was on my way home IN THE BUS (ahh this is where it gets exciting) I looked at my phone and realised it was 10:54 am. I was like WAIT A MINUTE. It's morning. It's a weekday. It's a school day. Those sec twos weren't having extra lessons, they were having normal school! :O

I WAS SO SHOCKED BY MY REVELATION I CALLED AMANDA AND RELATED THE NEWS TO HER IN A SHAKY VOICE AND QUAKING HANDS. And she gave me the quiet, weak voice and said "Vanesssssss, that's common sense, not an epiphanyyy...." And I hung up on her after insisting it was a revelation.

BUS RIDES ARE AWESOME. I think, that the reason why, is because when you're taking the bus, your mind tends to wander. And when your mind is empty, the thing you think about most subconsciously immediately surfaces.

And well, for Amanda, I guess. She just always thinks about. Um. Pointless things. MMMPFT. No I'm not laughing. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. LOVE YA AMANDA. So yeah. Go on publish what I just wrote in the REVOLUTIONARY RIDE REVELATIONS.

The world's gonna love my geniosity. Or at least I think there's such a word.

Unleash!

2009-10-30T22:47:00.000+08:00

Just for back from Unleash! The FCBC dance ministry recital! IT'S REALLY GOOD (: From one dancer to another, I loved especially Soul which Rachel and Chrislyn were in i think, and Chrislyn's Skip skip skip to my lou. I think Soul had a lot of haunting images that really captured emotions well.

But I really liked the piece Chrislyn choreographed. Okay call me biased, but is Chrislyn talented or what! The meaning behind it was really sweet. Basically about a young child and her lover/playmate trying to escape the harshness and terrors of war.

I loved how they used strobe lighting and stuff to portray the war effect but at the same time had the very child-like and innocent touch to certain movements. And Chrislyn's outfit was sooo cute :D Oh and i loved how they were like in their own worlds as they danced, really capturing the childish quality of the piece and how children think sometimes. Having their own worlds.

It reminded me so much of the song 'Big Girls Don't Cry' by Fergie. In that, there's this part in the song that says 'We'll be playmates and lovers, and share our secret worlds.' It captured that moment so well and so beautifully. I'm totally trying out for the dance ministry now! HAHAHA.

Just hope they want me :/ I haven't danced in like. 5 months! ACK! I probably lost any inkling of flexibility or rhythm I might once have possessed. GAH. So gonna take dance lessons after Os! Going to take with Nat, Amanda and Mavis and her friend Veeneetha I think.

HAHA I KNOW RIGHT AMANDA. :DD Nah don't be so mean. Maybe she has like a reaaaaally hidden talent for dancing! (gives innocent face) REALLY! XDDD

anyway gtg sleep now, chem tuition tmr, haha. NIGHTTTTT (:

OOOOOOOOOOs

2009-10-27T10:05:00.000+08:00

WHOOOOOOOO!

It is invigorating to take your O level exams I tell you! I've never felt so alive! :O Okay la I'm kinda exaggerating. But it is quite thrilling! HAHA. It's the second day of it today wooooosh! Gotta leave my house in abt, 2 hours or so. Kinda fun, this O level thing. AHAHA and what's even more fun is that when it's over, woah man, I will fly okay.

I told Amanda we must go do some cool things like shout to the sea and tie notes to balloons and release them and stuff. Omg so fun! Hahahah. :d Alright got to go get into my zen now for the paper later. HAHA. By that i mean pray. So you pray for me toooo (:

I Look So Good (without you)

2009-10-24T22:08:00.000+08:00

I look so good without you,
Got me a new hairdo,
Lookin fresh and brand new,
Since you said that we're through.
Done with your lies,
Wavin now my tears dry,
You can see my brown eyes
Ever since you said goodbye
I look so good,
I look so good without you.
I look so good,
I look so good without you.

I Look So Good

2009-10-24T21:33:00.001+08:00

www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQMWU66pKjE
Found this on Cheryl's blog. Omg I love it like shit. :D THANK YOU SMALL ONE :D You've made my day. (:

Blue

2009-10-22T19:16:00.002+08:00

The blue outside my window, is a melancholic shade of blue. It is a blue that isn't quite as vibrant as the electrics on tacky sports car wannabes, nor quite as soothing as the baby blue of the sky at midday.

It's almost like a geranium was leaking and leaked its deep, almost violet blue all over the world and is peeping in through my window.

I step out, out my window and into the blue. It envelopes me like the sea. But I'm not surrounded by water, I am held by the loving embrace of blueberry blue. It mirrors my head, it echoes my heart as the blue flows all around me, caressing me, holding me in my insecurities.

I feel like crying, but the tears don't flow. The blue simply absorbs my pain and in turn sends numbing waves of cool oblivion through me. I haven't experienced such peace in a long while now.

It's getting darker, my blue is slowly slipping away. I feel like someone has dripped a drop of black ink into a cup of blueberry juice and I begin to panic as the black spirals its way around my world.

Little wisps emerging from the original drop, diffusing rapidly to every corner of my blue. It is staining, defiling my blue. I feel like I'm losing myself as I watch everything around me get dimmer and dimmer. And slowly, my entire world has slipped into night.

The black seeps quietly, stealthily into me. Taking over the sweet blue that had numbed me before. And the black strikes me in the face like a whiplash and tells me simply.

Wake up, sleepyhead. It's time for reality.

Black tears streak down my face and fall into the darkened abyss of the vacuum I once would have called my heart.

Someone tell me I'm getting too emo for my own good.

RISSSSSSSSSSSSY

2009-10-21T19:07:00.000+08:00

One down, 2849372 more to go!

Okay, no, I was kidding. 79 to go.

Okay no, i kidded again. it's 16.

Okay- yes i mean it this time.

REALLY!

You don't believe me?

Have I heard of the boy who cried wolf? Um. No?

:D

THIS MY DEARS IS WHAT THE O LEVELS DO TO YOU. SO IF YOU'RE SMART, YOU...

STILL HAVE TO TAKE IT. LOL.

Unless of course, you're REALLY smart and you go IP.

But you'll still have to take the A levels in the end ANYWAY. So there. HMPH.

I think I'm bipolar. Like RIS LOW. AHAHA. She cracks me up.

BOOMZ YO.

Simple faith, and child-like innocence

2009-10-19T22:27:00.002+08:00

Matthew 18:3-4

"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

All That Jazz

2009-10-19T14:03:00.002+08:00

Srsly, omg watch this girl. She puts all us dancers to shame :/

Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

2009-10-19T11:37:00.001+08:00

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should have known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

I'm missing you so terribly, it's quite, quite sad. Don't know if I'm doing the right thing by not talking to you now, but I guess, it never hurts to try? Or maybe it'll hurt more than I thought. Much, much more.

Night

2009-10-17T21:55:00.000+08:00

It is night, where I stand.

The world, shrouded in a fog of inky darkness. The air tastes cold, fresh, new. A rush of wind brushes past me, ever so gently tousling my hair.

Where I stand, the sky is unobscured. There are no cement towers to block me from its marvelous expanse, no man-made distractions to take away the breath-taking splendour of God’s creations. No. It was just me, and the sky.

The grass beneath my bare feet felt moist and inviting. Every dewdrop tasted delicious on my skin, tantalizing me to revel in it, to just lie down and forget the world, savour the sweetness of clean, untainted grass. Grass grown naturally wherever they delighted, not controlled nor restrained, to be trampled on and spat on by the uncouth.

No unnatural lights disrupt the beauty of the night here. Tilting my head just the slightest bit upward, I see them.

I see them all decked in their splendid gowns of brilliant white. The purest shades of dove’s feathers, the lightest tinge of cloud. Their long flowing hair spread out like a sea around their heads, untamed, unrestrained. Masses of gold, silk-spun hay. I see the stars. The stars with faces like angels, their radiance so sweet and immaculate, I felt small. I felt belittled. I felt inadequate in their glory. I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide myself till the sun rose and outshone them, so I would feel better. But they smiled at me, their wondrous smiles filling me with an incomparable joy. An incomprehensible peace.

I felt light, like the froths one would see when waves come rushing in to break on the massive rocks. The peace amidst the storm.

I can see for miles, where I stand. See past places us humans inhabit, see past places us humans destroy. I can almost see right to the ends of the earth. But still, I do not see what I am looking for.

I wonder where heaven is. Some magnificent glorious place high above the clouds? I’d always doubted that theory. I’d imagined heaven to be right at the horizon of the end of the earth. I’d imagined it to be in clear view from where I stood. Evidently, it wasn’t.

I looked so hard I felt the backs of my eyes burn, but still, I do not see. I do not see you.

Does heaven have such wonderful grass, such beautiful skies? Heaven must be a delightful place to be. Why didn’t you take me with you there? But I imagine you must be having a ball with the angels there, no need my company.

Tell me again, how it felt when you’d met God! Did you see his face? Did He shine as bright as the sun so that you couldn’t look Him straight in the face?

Tell me, so I can prepare myself to meet Him. So that the day I meet you again, I’ll be ready. Ready to meet God, ready to meet you.

Remember me. Remember me wherever you are.

It is night, where I stand. I hope it is too where you do, because then maybe, we might be under the canopy of the same dark sky, watching the glittering of the same thousand stars.

The natural, and the supernatural (and the man-made)

2009-10-16T12:45:00.000+08:00

Just had this sudden urge to marvel at the wonders of nature accompanied by the wondrous man-made goodness that I can enjoy (: Hahahaha. What can I say, the Lord blesses me with these simple joys, makes life a whole lot more bearable (:

When the heavens open

Shafts of brilliant light break through

The pearly clouds

To meet the earth

To meet the crystal waters

To meet the luxurious greens

To meet the lens and the shutter

Of my camera

The Lord granted wisdom

The ability

The talent

To put together a blend

Of cacao beans,

Sugar and milk

Water

And a fluffy marshmallow

To bless the hearts

Of cold Singaporeans

Vacationing in Australia

Talking To Your Teenager

2009-10-16T12:19:00.001+08:00

Woah boy, I just got through an intense crying session. No no, don't judge me first. I know yeah I'm emotional and such but I'll tell you why I cried. I was feeling a bit sian of messing with numbers so I went to look at my dad's bookshelf where his SCORES of self-help book stuff are lined up neatly.

And I saw a whole lot of teen-related books. Such as 'how to raise your teenager' or 'talking to your teen' and stuff. So I decided to have a look. And as I read through one of the books, I found myself crying. Like, I really appreciated my parents and how much they love me and have done for me, but there were also bits i the book I wonder why they never talked to me about earlier and things I wish I didn't do or didn't say.

I honestly wonder why my parents didn't talk through with me or followed some of the points they'd given in the book. WHY? It totally would have helped okay. And while I talk to my parents, I have to admit there's a good lot of things I don't tell them. And it's these things that maybe if they'd talked to me about, I would have shared with them.

Anyways. I'm really really trying to be a better daughter now. Not make them angry so much. Stop doing stupid things. Stop screwing up my life. Listen to them, because i know they only want the best for me. Imma go study now, see what a good girl I am (: HAHA.

I would say this has been a revelation from the Lord, well and truly. I was just telling the Lord to speak to me, and speak to me He has. (:

Over the mountains and the seas

Your river runs with love for me

And i will open up my heart and let the healer set me free

I'm happy to be in the truth

And I will daily lift my hands

For I will always sing of when your love came down

A CBOX YO

2009-10-15T20:19:00.002+08:00

Oh yes, btw, I got meself a tagboard. HAHA. It's riiiiight at the bottom of the page so go go scroll! :D

And when the sky is falling,

2009-10-15T19:45:00.004+08:00

It's really really intriguing how time flies by. In 6 days, I will be taking my first GCE O level exam paper. :O In 29 days, my GCE O level examinations would be officially OVER. LIKE WOAH RIGHT.

And then in a month and nine days time, I would have my Secondary Four Graduation Prom! It's like woooosh! Where have the years gone? I really wonder if the past 16 years of my life have been lived well. I mean, did I screw anything up too badly?

Well, not reaally, apart from the past ten months of my life and the confusing little bubble I've been living in. I didn't take drugs or get expelled or get myself knocked up or anything. So that, generally, has been smooth-sailing.

Now, how's the next 20 years of my life gonna be? Gosh, I really can't see. I feel like I'm trapped in one of those crazy mazes with overgrown hedges but this time it's worse, cause there's a thick haze that has settled around you such that it's a little hard to breathe, and you're literally playing for your life.

You'll meet people along the way who might help you, hold your hand for a bit, cry with you for a while. But there're those who lead you the wrong way, deeper into the heart of the maze. Not all of them do it intentionally, mind you. I'm sure some had kind intentions, but they too are lost and when you have one blind man leading another, you both end up stumbling and then you lose each other in the thick fog.

And so here you are, all alone once more. Even more lost than usual. And of course, you'll have the one or two bigger people who are tall enough almost, to see over the maze, and that helps a lot, but they won't be around forever.

And then. There's your daddy. He comes right into the maze, he doesn't worry about getting lost, he doesn't care. He's just coming right in because he hears your cries for help. He finds you, picks you up and holds you in his arms. He tells you everything's gonna be alright, and not to be afraid. It doesn't mean he gets you right out of the maze, but he's there and that's all you need. That's all I need. My daddy God to hold me (:

Imma cling onto Him for life, specially through these crazy fogs. Pray for me, I'll pray for all you too. (:

And when the sky is falling,

Don't look outside the window.

Step back and hear I'm calling.

Give up, don't take the fast road.

It's just your doubt that binds you.

Just drop those thoughts behind you now.

Change your mind.

Let go too soon.

Scabs and Wounds

2009-10-15T17:03:00.000+08:00

And now to add on to Weiqing's cheemness, here this is. A piece I wrote, haha. Won't be quite as good as Weiqing's, but well. I try my best (:

I stare silently at the scab on my leg, the little contraption a blackish splotch that spelled imperfection.

I felt a horrible itch in my hand to reach out and peel the scab. I stopped myself and thought of the pain ripping it off my skin and the horrifying scar it would leave, a blemish on my skin to be had forever. But the corners of the scab were curling up invitingly and I found my finger wandering over to the darkened patch. And then I found my finger testing the edge of the scab to see if it was ready to be picked. It was. I couldn't take it any longer.

I lifted one side and pulled gently. I winced a little as I felt the scab being pulled apart from my skin, the tearing pain sent tingles down my spine. A bright crimson pool spilled out from where I'd started peeling the scab, oozing its way across my skin. I continue with the excavation, pulling and picking until the whole scab was removed. I observe the raw flesh of the wound I'd revealed, the blood forming little deltas down one side of my leg.

But I didn't care. The pain was strangely soothing. And then I wondered, it felt a little silly to have picked off the healing layer my skin had formed over my wound. It had been formed to protect the open wound from bacteria, dirt or anything else that could hurt it again. It had been my body's natural mechanism to ensure the wound would heal and the skin under it made as good as new once more. And I'd picked it right off.

I wipe up the spilled blood with a tissue and pick up a tiny square of antiseptic swab. Mentally willing myself to be strong, I gently allow the swab and my wound to meet. The reaction was instantaneous. Tears sprung to my eyes and I felt like the searing would completely rip my leg in half. The tears were cascading down my face of their own accord, each droplet bringing a little it of the pain along and slowly the sting mellowed into a dull throbbing and then a cooling sort of numbness.

It was only now that I reached the back of my hand to my cheek and found it soaked with tears. I'd hardly even noticed. I looked down at the salmon-pink patch of flesh that I'd exposed and find myself in a rather bewildered state. It's almost like I'd wanted it to hurt.

I knew the pain it would leave, but I went ahead with it anyway. How stupid was I? Oh extremely so, but can I help it? No, it seems I can't. And I gently finger the edges of the wound again, knowing that a few days from now, when another layer of platelets has formed over it. I'd go through the same agony again.

And increasingly, I found, I'd become slave to hurting myself.

Box

2009-10-15T16:43:00.001+08:00

Wei qing is my favourite writer in the world, have i told you that before? She wrote this the other time and I almost cried when i read it. Decided to share it on my blog toooooo. LOVE YOU QING (:

'I had always lived in a box.

Don’t remember a time I didn’t. Always have, for as long as I knew. It felt comfortable, made me feel safe. Sometimes I realise I couldn’t breathe or stretch but most of all I felt like I belonged there. I didn’t imagine a time where I didn’t live in a box.

But one day it happened. Maybe it was me, maybe just the box, I don’t know, and it did not matter anyway. Whatever it was, the seams of the box fell apart. Yes, just like that. First the seams tore, and before I could do anything, it simply, simply, fell apart. I didn’t believe there to be anything beyond the box. Even if there was, I knew it was something I didn’t want. Unsafe, uncomfortable.

So the day my box fell apart, I could not see past the ruins around me. I clutched on tight to the edges and prayed that if I could hold it together long enough, it would lodge itself back together (like it had before). But this time, the box had fallen apart and there was nothing I could do. It, firstly, felt different. Incomplete. As after all, it had always been Me in the Box. Just – me, tasted strange on my tongue.

Then I discovered I could stretch my legs. And my arms. At first there was pain. A sore you feel when you use a part of you for the first time (or the first time in a long long time). I liked the feeling, strangely. Then there was the air. It smelt so different, felt so different down my throat. It was foreign, slightly uncomfortable, slightly exhilarating. It confused me. And because it was my first time breathing I drank in the air, sharp painful bursts in my lungs. It was cathartic. For awhile I had forgotten about my box. The box. But I had lived in there for such a long, long time.

So later in the day when everything new had ceased to be new, I went back and peered at the box. The relics of the box that fell apart. It looked very different from the outside, not like anything it had seemed when I lived in there. Sometimes I imagined myself to be back in the box. It made me sad, because I missed the feeling, so I quickly stopped remembering.

Later on, I felt sad again, but because I had stayed in the box for such a long, long time. I wanted to know why I had, but I could no longer remember why, ever since I stepped out, I had forgotten why I had lived there in the first place.

I thought, maybe, while I was in there, a sparrow had passed by. Maybe, I could have had held it in my hands if I had been outside the box to meet it. Then I thought, maybe I would have seen a rainbow. I remember a rainbow from before I lived in a box, but then again I don’t quite remember the times I had before I lived in a box.

It started to rain.

I cried and wished I could be back where I was sheltered. Then night seeped in and it became cold. I did not want to be in the box anymore, but it doesn’t seem as if I could live outside the box. I laid down on the grass and cried harder.

And then, through my tears, I saw stars dotting the night sky. I haven’t seen those before, back in the box, or before I lived in a box. I thought maybe, maybe I could learn to live.'

Snapshots of a Sixteenth

2009-10-15T16:00:00.001+08:00

Just a few photos from my sweet sixteenth birthday celebration (: Nothing much, just an afternoon of playing silly games with a bunch of crazy, lovely friends (:

Father And Mother I Love You <3

2009-10-13T23:06:00.000+08:00

My family is truly a blessing to me. (: Wasn't feeling in the best of moods today. Kinda tired out from studying and a little bogged down by life in general.

Have been learning how to play the guitar these past few days and so started playing some random songs, stumblingly, trippingly, kinda like how my life was going. Then my dad came in, and almost without a word, asked for the guitar with an outstretched hand. I was going to sigh and flop down on my bed because I thought he'd come to take it away, to ask me to study, sleep or whatever else that adults seem to deem more important than life itself.

Well, he didn't.

He sat himself down on the platform beside my bed and began to play the few songs I'd been trying so hard to play before. His fingers moved around on the guitar so naturally, I felt rather embarrassed of myself. I couldn't help a smile from creeping up my face when I see how easy my daddy made it look.

As he played, I sang, he sang and the music we were making brought my brother and mother into the room. We all began singing together and it sounded so beautiful, it was near impossible not to forget the world and simply soak in the joy. It felt rather amazing to be honest (:

And all the more apt it was because the songs we were singing were worship songs of God's goodness, and I mean, how much more can the Lord give but a wonderful, loving family? It's been a while since my whole family was gathered together like that for no particular reason but to enjoy each others' companies. It was a lovely feeling.

Then, we started talking about dancing and my mother started making a fool of herself, imitating salsa dancers, swing dancers, jumping on my dad and trusting he'd catch her. All of us, laughing together and doing all sorts of strange things. But, I guess, we were happy.

And it's these simple joys in life that get me through. From the time my daddy came into my room till the time mummy decided it was time to go to sleep, I reckon only 15 minutes had passed. But those 15 minutes will keep me going for at least the next few days. And I thank the Lord with all my heart for this awesome family that He has placed me in. (: Good night, love you.

When I feel afraid

Think I lost my way

Still you're here right beside me

Nothing will I fear

As long as you are near

Please be near me to the end

IDK, MY BFF??? XD

2009-10-12T15:43:00.000+08:00

Love.

2009-10-11T19:24:00.000+08:00

I blogged this last time, haha. And i think it still makes sense now.

'I feel so much like a stupid teenager at this point. Honestly, I hate how my emotions and my heart always ends up ruling my head. I keep feeling like I'm so not in control of my life. What my heart says, I follow. Which sucks.
I try to let God take the lead and not my heart but it's so hard to sometimes. I don't even understand why my heart thinks some things (okay technically it can't think) feel, rather. why the feelings in my heart are the way they are. It's so weird. And since i have been studying Midsummer night's dream, I quote Bottom about the whole 'love and logic hardly go together nowadays' or something to that effect.

I don't think what's in my heart is even love can. How can I, a girl who has only lived 15 and a half years know what that four letter word is. I mean, it's like, people can say they love each other so much and end up getting divorced. Why? It's hardly explainable. Maybe cause they didn't know the true meaning of love.

According to the dictionary, love is defined as 'intense feelings of deep affection'. I don't agree here really. The stupid hormones in our body give us the same effects even when we might not end up living with that someone for the rest of our lives. The definition of love, to me, is God. Well and truly.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Can anyone stand up and say that they love their husbands/wives/girlfriends/boyfriends with this sort of love. I think not. But God is patient, God is kind, He never fails. So if you fit God into these verses and substitute love, it fits. Conclusion drawn, God = LOVE. God loved us so much He sent His only son down to this earth to be crucified on the cross. Can any of us do that? Nope, I don't think so. I wouldn't send my son to die for a bunch of stupid sinners would I? But God did.

I just suddenly feel that love is so underrated. Nowadays, couples who get married cause they love one another, do so by the dictionary's definition. Which is sad, because these strong feelings will fade away, and then there'll be nothing left to hold the two people together. Sad isn't it?

I was just reading about Glenn Ong and Jamie Yeo who are getting divorced. I mean, come on la, everyone talked about how sweet their relationship was, how in love they were. Well, whatever happened? Quite disgusting also, how they use God's name in the same sentence they're talking about the divorce.

God so obviously does not condone divorces. Love never fails, remember? Well, evidently not to them who feel that as long as those deep feelings of affection are gone, there's nothing to stay together for anymore. What crap. But oh well, whatever la. I am in no position to criticize them but I pray hard that the next generation does not all turn into mush because of things like this.

Lord take my heart, I'm giving it to you.'

Standing Tall In Turbulent Times

2009-10-11T19:17:00.002+08:00

I think pastor's message today was reaally good (: It was about standing tall in turbulent times, shall share what I got from it (:

We live in a world of great uncertainty, and where there is uncertainty, there is fear and concern. But we just have to remember that our God is

1. Ancient Of Days - God of eternity who gives us a sense of destiny

God did not create any failures or losers. he created all of us in His own image and so we are beautiful and purposeful. God has a purpose for each of our lives, and a good good plan.

A parallel pastor Khong gave was that God is like an author. He has all of eternity to write our lives. One second in our lives could be a few billion years in His time. Just like an author writing a book.

He can write the line "She heard a knock on the door." Then he decides he needs a break. Goes off to meet a friend for coffee. 5 hours later, he comes back and writes the next line. "Immediately, she got up to answer the door." In the character's world, almost no time at all passed.

But in the author's time, 5 hours actually had gone by. It gives us a sense of security knowing that the Lord never makes impulsive decisions. Everything He decides for our lives is after careful contemplation.

In fact, our lives on earth, are basically just dress rehearsals to prepare us for life in heaven. In heaven, we're not just going to be floating about with the angels and listening to harp-playing. The Lord is going to give us cities to reign over! Sounds exciting right?? Haha.

2. Son Of Man - God of excellence who gives us a sense of dignity

Jesus is referred to as the Son Of Man because he is the perfect representation of man. And we, us stupid humans, have become so conformed to the world, we have lost our sense of dignity, and degraded ourselves so much.

In fact, we all must remember, that God wants us to be holy, not happy. Because happiness is an earthly feeling. It comes, and it goes. Sure we're happy today but will we still be tomorrow? But when we're holy, our relationship with God will sustain us and bring us to heaven where we can be 'happy' for eternity.

God also wants us to have character and not comfort for the same reasons. You know, us humans have all the glory and honour because we are the ultimate creations of God! Imagine, we're so small and insignificant as compared to our almighty God, and yet, He gives us so much glory and honour, that we are placed only a little below the heavenly beings. It's amazing isn't it?

Pastor Khong also added this point, not totally related to the message. He mentioned that in a relationship, husbands and wives will not always feel like they love each other. There are times they probably want to kill each other.

But it's at times like this where you commit yourself to say that I will do the right thing and the feeling of love will come. Love is not just a feeling, it is a commitment. In fact, a post I blogged last time is rather similar. I think I will repost it in the next blog post (:

So anyway yes, I thought today's message was excellent. That's about it. Haha. Rebecca came over to study after church and it was quite productive, I think. Haha. Yupp. Gtg for dinner soon anyway, Aunty Jenny made sushi. HAHA.

God loves youuuuu (:

A Lesson on Faith

2009-10-11T00:05:00.001+08:00

I'm on this, like, blogging rampage all of a sudden. Just keep feeling like blogging. Maybe this is what happens when the only other thing to do is study :/ Sigh. Well. It's hard to understand the way the human mind works. Why would a person say something or not say something at certain specific times? It confuses me a great deal sometimes.

I'm learning to be more of a loving neighbour and have faith in the people around me. I find it so so hard to hold anything against anyone. Maybe that is why I'm always so taken advantage of. But honestly, I don't like to be angry at someone or feel bitter against a person. It hurts me more than it hurts the other party I think. I'm learning to be more forgiving and accepting. If only more people could learn with me.

I really don't like how this world is becoming so cynical and faithless. Even the children and especially us teenagers. I remember that day when a few people in class were talking about Christopher Lee and Fann Wong's marriage and commenting on how much sponsors they got and how much money was spent and someone said this

"Aiya, spend so much money on their wedding, then later get divorced, all the money wasted."

I felt something jump in my heart. Not for Christopher Lee and Fann Wong per se, but for the absence of love in the world. Divorce has become such a rampant thing that we subconsciously already have the end in mind when we've barely just begun. I pray with all my heart that Fann and Chris' marriage will last and for all the marriages in the world. I pray that they will learn to love not just by the world's standards, but by God's standards.

It is scary to think that teenagers today think so lightly of marriage. This is why marriages these days break down so easily and love is so easily lost. Because they never learned to love and to trust the right way to begin with.

I'm praying, praying that love will be restored in the world.

Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

Take my hand and lead me

Slowly

Through the darkening night.

It's pitch-black and I can't see a thing.

But I take step after step,

In absolute faith

That you won't let me fall.

Don't.

Light Up My Sky

2009-10-10T16:30:00.000+08:00

Let me light up the sky,

Light it up for you.

Let me make this mine,

I'll ignite for you.

Reflections and such.

2009-10-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

Okay this is very very very strange. I am currently blogging in a blank white space between a few lines and strange words. :/ Oh well.

Today was the last official day of schoooool. Had reflection day and such. And well, like all reflection days go, it was all sharing and crying and hugging and stuffs. Mm.

I was just thinking about my four years in St Nicks again. And I wonder how it would have been different had I followed my mother's wishes and gone to Nanyang.

Well, I'm guessing I'd have some good friends, have alright results and... Well. Be okay. But guess what, I'm not there, I'm here where the Lord has strategically placed me. (: And I love it here. Honestly truly.

Even though it's like I have to take the Os unlike if I had gone to Nanyang, I think this whole journey that I'm taking with my friends, the studying even, everything has become an indefinite part of my life, that would take the joy out of living if they weren't there.

Gah I'm feeling so reflective-ish but I don't have time, my daddy says he'll turn off the internet soon :/ Shall try to blog tomorrow or smth. Feel this sudden compulsion to. HAHA.

Oh well, night night everyone (or at least the one or two people who might even read this. :/)

God loves you, and I do too (:

Reminiscent (like BULL WHALE)

2009-10-08T19:34:00.005+08:00

Okay, I decided I needed a change. So yes. Here is my new blog skin. I know it's kinda boring and stuffs. But oh well. No matter. Simplicity is beauty in itself now, isn't it? Haha. It's been a while since I last blogged. Must say it's been tiring studying and stuff.

Didn't do too badly for my prelims I think. Wasn't good, but well. Wasn't the end of the world. Gonna learn from my mistakes and study real hard for the Os. (: Other than school, what's been going on with my life is, well, nothing very much really. Sad, but true.

Cleo texted me that day to say that Friday (tomorrow!) is the last proper day of our Secondary School lives! WOAH. I was like all sentimental-ish and deep and stuff. I mean, four years have really flown by.

The friendships made, the friendships lost, the skills learnt, the happy, the sad, the crazy, the everything. This is the end of a chapter of my life, and I'm glad glad glad to say that it has been a great one (: Despite loads of troubles and tears and whatnot through these four years, the part of my life that spans form when I was 13 till this very moment when I am 16, has been awesome.

It could have been better of course, there were times I remember crying myself to sleep every night, times i remember emo-ing my days away, times I remember sleeping in class, times I remember dying from dance training, times I remember running 2.4, times I remember being lonely. But well. The Lord has pulled me through it all, and yeah I can safely say I've emerged stronger from everything.

I've seen a wonderful showcase of God's mercy and grace through these past 4 years of my life, and my walk with the Lord has definitely brought me to where I am today. (Sniffs) I'm going to miss St. Nicks for sure for sure for sure.

Sec one saw One Truth, the crazy rojak class where the sports people, drama people, mep, people, smart people, dumb people, crazy people, quiet people, emo people... BASICALLY. It was a whole messed up kinda class, coupled with Mr Wong YF as the form teacher, well, yes it was rather an unforgettable year.

Sec two saw Two Truth, the drama class with Ms Leong (MOLLY) as our form teacher. HAHA. Um, it was certainly a fun class, but WAAAAAAY TOO dramah-tic, as Ms Leong would put it. Never before has a class shed so many tears before, or developed so many dramas within a year. It was greaat fun though (:

Sec three and four saw THREE/FOUR HOPE! This is one class I really grew to love and appreciate through the past two years. To me, four hope is really the best class I could ask for, in that everyone in four hope is generally nice and friendly. Although some people tell me that there are politics going on in the class, I never really thought so. I sincerely think that every single person in four hope is awesome (: Ms Jacob as a form teacher, is although not THE BEST but I guess she's alright. And I don't know, maybe I'm one of those in class that no one likes, but never once have I been made to feel that way so I'm guessing (and hoping) that no one hates me and feels that I made 4 hope hell for them because no one in 4 hope has ever made me feel that way.

So basically. My four years in St. Nicks have been a whirlwind of fun, laughter, tears, screams, and loads and loads of crazy times. I will totally miss everything in St. Nicks. Even the morning jogs. Even the waste-of-time assemblies, even NAPFA trainings. Even CHEM LESSONS (gosh you know I mean it) HAHA.

And yes definitely definitely seeing my lovely friends everyday. I'm really not sure what the future holds for me, and what God has in mind for my life, but i'll trust that it is a good plan as God has said in the bible. WHOOOO this post has been so cliched and (squirms) mushy Cleo would kick me :D

But well yeah, I meant it all. This journey's been such a blast and I've seen God's power and love for me through it all. Gotta get abck to studying now, cause well. The Os are in. 2 weeks plus time and I'm really kinda scared. Eeps. Shall blog again soon, maybe. (:

Your love has lifted me higher,

Higher than the cares of this world

When I'm with you

17th September 2009, a milestone

2009-09-17T15:57:00.003+08:00

Well, I'm sixteen today. That's a first. Haha. I detest the ever-cliched 'oh I'm supposed to feel older but i don't feel any different' feeling people get on birthdays. So let me tell you, that I do actually feel older.

No I have not grown any taller (sadly) but I feel something inside me change. I feel more responsible for my life, somehow. I want to change the way things are going right now. I know I have the power to change some things, I just never could bring myself to do it. But these changes are for the good. Time to get up off my ass and sort some things out, sort my life out.

Happy birthday to me (:

An earthly father's love.

2009-08-31T14:43:00.003+08:00

This is another really awesome video that made me cry. The love between the father and son is so awesome. Shit, I cry too much.

Made me think, if an earthly father could love his son this much, how much more does our father in heaven love us?

Kaitlyn, beautiful.

2009-08-31T14:33:00.002+08:00

This is really beautiful. I love her. I cried when I watched it, I don't even know why. The guilelessness and sweetness just totally overwhelmed me. I want her child-like innocence and simplistic love. I'm still crying, gosh.

Amandas.

2009-08-20T21:57:00.000+08:00

Eeks blogger is screwed. But anyway. Was having this msn convo with Amanda just now and it turned out rather funny. Unintentionally I think. We were merely discussing our levels of preparedness for tomorrow's english O level oral.

I Traded Him for a Red U2 Ipod says: (9:52:30 PM) [AMANDA]
are you doing the pictures okay? if they ask why was this picture taken, how do you answer that

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:52:50 PM) [ME, VANESSA]
I WILL SAY SCREW YOU HOW AM I TO KNOW?

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:52:59 PM)
IT WAS TAKEN FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF RUINING MY LIFE

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:53:04 PM)
BY APPEARING FOR MY ORAL

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:53:12 PM)
AND HAVING SUCH AN ABSURD QUESTION BEING ASKED ABOUT IT

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:53:18 PM)
CAN YOU STOP SCARING ME

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:53:22 PM)
THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN RIGHT??????

I Traded Him for a Red U2 Ipod says: (9:53:26 PM)
ENCORE

I happen to think we're really funny ppl. And get a load of this.

I Traded Him for a Red U2 Ipod says: (9:55:29 PM)
aiyah, but it just might pop out.

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:55:37 PM)
like a pimple

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:55:38 PM)
pop

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:55:39 PM)
pop

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:55:40 PM)
pop

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:55:44 PM)
eeeeeeeks

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:55:46 PM)
noooooooooo

I Traded Him for a Red U2 Ipod says: (9:55:46 PM)
i hate pimples.

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:55:49 PM)
yeah

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:55:57 PM)
the same way i'd hate that qn

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:56:01 PM)
i shall generalise

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:56:05 PM)
and make the sweeping statement

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:56:10 PM)
that i hate all things that pop

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:56:15 PM)
Pop goes the weasel

My piece of One Sweet Love, says: (9:56:19 PM)
OMG WEASEL I HATE YOU

I Traded Him for a Red U2 Ipod says: (9:57:05 PM)
you are really, really weird.

I Traded Him for a Red U2 Ipod says: (9:57:07 PM)
yknow?

I Traded Him for a Red U2 Ipod says: (9:57:16 PM)
i dont even know how you live with yourself.

HAHAHA. Msn convos with Amanda are amusing to no end.Grah. Haven't been online in a long time now, today being an exception cause I came online to wish Corrine a happy shmappy birthday on fb. I should totally be memorising the dumb things lovers say in woods now. GOOD BYE.

Dying.

2009-07-30T09:47:00.003+08:00

In a bit of a reflective moooood now. Hmm. have been sick the past two days, down with fever, cough, phlegm and a nasty headache. Thought I was going to die last night. I felt a headache coming on at ard 12 and thought maybe I could sleep it off. Guess it had other ideas.

Got worse and worse and I hardly got any sleep till round abt 4 when i couldn't take it anymore. Stuck a fever patch on my forehead and attempted to let it take effect. Then closing 5, I felt like vomiting. Was kneeling by the toilet owl for a good 15 mins but nothing gave. Finally at 5 couldn't take it, woke my parents. They fed me a panadol and some meds for nausea and sent me off to sleep with a prayer and a kiss.

Woke at 6 feeling slightly better. I remember at roughly 5:20 when I was waiting for the meds to take effect, I felt like I was dying. It scared me. How could a headache be so painful? What exactly is going on in my head that could be quite so torturous? Was my brain overused? I don't know, but it felt like as if my brain was going to break down and I'd become a vegetable or something.

And I hate that feeling of nausea when there's nothing inside your stomach to expel. It sucks so bad. Imagine if I'd died then. What would the world be like now? Well sure i guess my family and friends would be sad. But then, what. Life still goes on right? The sun doesn't rise and set on me, the earth still revolves. And all you people still live, just keep living.

CME that day got me thinking. How would ppl look at me when I'm dead? I'd always wished I could pretend to die one day, just to see what ppl really thought of me and then when I've seen that it's all good, wake up and appreciate them even more. But then I think. What if it isn't good? Then I'd truly want to just die.

Imagine lying there in your coffin at your funeral, hearing people go "Maybe it's a good thing she's gone." Even if i weren't dead at that moment, I'd wish myself to be. It'd be miserable don't you think?

So today I'm going to tell anyone reading this (mighn't be a lot I know), that I love you. And even if one day I don't, after all I am only human, I bless you with God's love and joy because He does, for always.

I thank you for being my friend and while I pray that I don't die so soon, if one day I do pass, say something nice at my funeral won't you? Maybe say that this was a girl God put in my life to bless me. I wish that'd be said about me. Yes i do. Wish I can be a blessing to you today. God be with you. (:

<3,vanessa

BOLSHEVIK RETURNS!

2009-07-12T21:23:00.001+08:00

YANYEE IS BACK :D This is miles more exciting than I thought. Except the mountains of tests and stuff are totally not helping :/ SIGH we almost won't be able to go out at all cause we'll be holed in studying like some crazy dogs. UGH. ): I'll squeeeeeeze time! BAH.

Weiqing's 'Box'

2009-07-10T22:11:00.003+08:00

I fell in love with Weiqing's 'Box', her latest blog post that she sent me through sms the moment I read it. It made me want to cry. It's not often I read one of my friends' pieces and feel like crying. And it's been a while since I described any piece of writing as beautiful. Cool, maybe. Sad, yes. Sweet, sure. But beautiful? Not so much. Anyway. I just think Wei qing's an absolutely awesome writer. (:

MJ

2009-06-30T18:10:00.004+08:00

Okay I've been brainwashed by my parents to miss Michael

Jackson too now. A bit late response i know la. But I never

thought much of his death until they started making me watch

youtube videos of Michael Jackson and I started watching his

awesome dancing and listening to some of his nicer songs.

And my parents were like telling me how nice he was by

organising all this cool stuff like this song 'We are The World'.

'Heal the World' also! I like. And i think he dances darn

cooooool now. :D

CHEERYEMO

2009-06-29T11:23:00.003+08:00

Ohkay, I'm attempting to be less emo in this blog post, so we'll be gay, chippy and so darned cheery you'll feel like puking! Hooray!

Haha, I rmb that day I was smsing Cleo and she replied this 'You are damn weird. You've like become so cheery and easily excitable. Like ooh an ant let's name it ANTonio (ahaa, get it? i crack me up.)' and now she tags on my blog saying that I am emo. -.- WHAT. Cleo cheeeeeew.

It's hard to strike a balance okay! (sobs) Okay, I should stop being so weird right. I am currently attempting to post a balanced post now that isn't too emo or too cheery. Let's try this.

Quarantine is treating me good. Though it's boring to only ever do homework or facebook. Technically, face book, is, as coach Elgin liked to reiterate last time, facing your books, so it's studying too (okay sry this is a bit cheery and easily excitable like ANTonio, i shld stop here) SO ANYWAY.

The other day I went to shop with my mother at wisma, so fun. Bought lotsa clothes which is good, cause i HADN'T GOT A CHANCE TO SHOP FOR A LONG TIME ALREADY. bought like 2 dresses, 3 tops, shorts, a cardigan... Did I post this before? Ugh. I can't do non-emo/ non-cheery it'll just end up a monotonous ramble about the events of a random day.

Sorry Cleo, no can do.

On being sixteen?

2009-06-27T19:05:00.002+08:00

Haha I just read Weiqing's blog post and decided to blog in response to her. She's right you know, about people losing trust, ceasing to believe.

At sixteen, life shouldn't be like this, it's so. WRONG man. I really think I'm too trusting and bloody gullible. You know, there's still this inkling in my head that even after I've been hurt I still trust, still believe, still remain the uncynical little kid waiting, praying, for a miracle.

And while I'm not saying that God doesn't grant miracles, I happen to be praying for stupid miracles that would, well possibly hurt me. Say I prayed for the moon to fall out of the sky. I know I know, you're going like whaaaat. It's just an example la. But you get the idea okay.

I feel dumb, how I'm always forgiving. And my type of forgiving isn't really what God said to do now that I think about it. He said we're to forgive and forget right. Yeah sure i forgive, but I never forget. And keep moping and remembering.

So technically, I'm forgiving not in a good way either. UGHHH I'm such an annoyance. If you see me, box me pleaaaase!

Audacity Of Hope

2009-06-25T18:26:00.003+08:00

A close friend told me this recently. "Hope is one stupid doggone thing that just holds on and makes everything hurt extra much."

Listening to her, I totally agreed, see, with what she was saying. But I didn't understand how it could be that my brain understands this fact with absolute clarity, but my heart just stubbornly ignores every word, and clings faithfully to the little thing called hope.

You know what, I like being your blanket. That's what I tell myself, even though everytime you trample on me, rip me apart, crumple me and toss me aside, it hurts so bad. I am left lying there, limp, helpless, weak. Unable to do anything until the next time you decide you need me to keep you warm again. And when you do, it makes me feel good, makes me feel important, makes me feel, well, wanted. But I know, even while I keep you warm and provide you with that much needed comfort, I will soon be back down on that floor. And yet, I hold on. I am stupid enough to lie here and wait until the next time you need this blankie again, to make it all better. Except, by then, I'm afraid you may be too grown up to need this childish blankie anymore, and you'd give it away or throw it away. Or maybe, if you're feeling really snobbish that day, burn it. Burn, me.

I know of my aunt who's in her late 40s now and has been married for the past 20 odd years, who still keeps her childhood blanket with her. She sleeps with it every night, it lying under the thick blanket she shares with my uncle. And it probably will remain by her side for the rest of her life. Of that I'm quite certain.

And it's these stupid little things that make me hope. That give me hope. And once again, I lie here, waiting.

Why I like pork and not pigs.

2009-06-24T17:31:00.003+08:00

Swines should die. Really. I hate being quarantined. It's like, being locked out from the outside world.

I won't be able to make it for the english prelim orals tmr, won't be able to make it for my last dance performance in st nicks at the esplanade on monday, won't be able to make it for cheer pracs, won't be able to make it for church, won't be able to make it for ANYTHING that includes stepping out of the house.

Which is practically, everything.

Okay other than blogging like I'm doing now. But really. This doesn't count for much. It's basically just putting the thoughts in my head into words on cyberspace -.- GRAH.

I have this sudden feeling like I'm drowning. I just suddenly feel shitty. Not just about the quarantining la. But everything la. SIGHH. Anyways. Shall take this quarantine time as extra studying time then I guess.

All you free people out there who get to leave your houses whenever you want to, appreciate it okay. And call me up once in a while to check that I haven't completely rotted into nothingness and to cheer me up a bit pleaaaaase. HAHA.

Okay yeah. Back to the books.

GROUP 4 IS <3

2009-06-15T19:50:00.004+08:00

Just got back from Teens IDOL camp yesterday! IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME :D Was in Group 4 with MAVIS, CYNDI, DAVID, TITUS, JOSEPH, COLIN, DANIEL AND OUR FACILITATOR ANSLEY! It was the most fun group in the whole camp man! Hahaha.

We were all enthusiastic and fun and totally talkative. It was crazy. Haha. Last day we did the DISC profiling, and guess what, all of us with the exception of Daniel were type Is. LITTLE WONDER EH. Haha. We were craaaazy man. HAHA.

But super fun and everything! The sessions were so much funner than the normal SOL 1 classes! A lot of structured experiences instead of just lessons. (: And the movie 'Facing the Giants' was really really gooood. Would have cried buckets if not for the fact that it was at camp. I controlled like mad. HAHA. But yeah really learnt a lot.

And the holy Spirit session was coolcoolcool! Smth God told me 'Noise when used by God is music' and Huiwen had it as her msn pm today! :D And and smth God told Colin spoke to me and he prayed for me and I feel loads loads better (: Anyway, yeah had a lot of fun at the camp. More than I expected for sure :) GROUP 4 IS SO SO AWESOME AND FUNNNN!

Oh and the guys are all very nice, haha throughout the camp they always help us do things. Like get our food for us, throw away our empty food packets and stuff HAHA. Oh and our group very cool man, Ansley and Daniel were playing guitar then slowly one by one we went to join in, then after a while it turned into a worship session. An

d this was like in between dinner and lesson time so when ps Jeffrey heard us singing and stuff, he asked us to go lead worship one song before lesson! Was really awesome (: Our whole group was singing like some choir in front, haha.

Oh oh and it was really funny. Cause mavis and I cam-whored like siao and during the impromptu worship sessions, after the first song, I said 'Let's take photo!" then they said after every song must take photo ah! And so we did. HAHA.

After every song we took a photo, self-timed or not, and after that, we like totally converted all the guys into cam whores toooo! HAHA. After that, they kept suggesting we take photos! Haha, all secretly want to take one lor but don't dare to admit! HAHAHA. So yesyes that's the fantabulous group 4 (: So yeah, I gotta go study now :/ Haha, must do wellwellwell for O LEVELS! LOVEEEEEEE! <3

Dead internets and nausea attacks.

2009-06-10T14:36:00.003+08:00

My internet totally died on me. Something wrong with the router according to my father, and he bought a new router but that doesn't work. I'm so desperate I'm currently using the internet at my parents' friends' house. Not that I came here just for that la. My brother was bored at home and asked me to bring him here to play with their daughter Rachel.

Anyway. Teen Idols Camp on friday :/ Not quite as excited about it as before cause uh that day when Mavis, Gayle and I went for the briefing, we saw like. A LOT of little kids. Cass even saw a boy that she recognised as her buddy. As in when she was p5, he was p1. -.- GET THE IDEA. So yes. I am afraid.

SIGHHH. Hope it'll be fun. REMOTELY.

I was suffering from serious anxietal nausea the past few days over the rj dsa and other things. But now I'm just like whatever la. I had these really weird urges to puke whenever i thought of that or the other stuff. SIGH.

Life sucks.

Sickkkkk

2009-05-26T16:09:00.002+08:00

My temperature was 39.7 degrees this morning. I thought I was going to go cuckoo. Like the high temperature would fry my brain cells and uhh. Make me like Ah Qiong from last time Zhen Qing. HAHA. But yeah. I was bloooody sick then.

My whole head was radiating heat, my eyes were watering, my nose was stuck, my throat hurt and the random coughing spasms i had to get the stupid phlegm out of my lungs made my whole throat and lungs soooo freaking painful. I'm so glad I'm a little better now. Sigh.

Didn't get anything done the whole of today cause of the stupid fever. my maid was sponging me with ice cold water at random intervals so from 7am to 2pm I was practically just lying in bed the whole time, drifting into and out of sleep. So uneventful. Oh wells.

Hope I can make it to school tomorrow! It feels darn weird to miss so many days. I practically have never missed a day of school before. Only when I fall really sick, like now, then I'll miss. You ask anyone who knows me. I never pon anything. Not even CCA. I'm a freak, I know. Oh well, should go rest now.

SINGING AND SICKNESSES.

2009-05-25T20:12:00.003+08:00

I just watched a few clips from Britain's Got Talent, and goodness gracious, Singapore should never have a Singapore's Got Talent, NEVER. It would totally make Singapore look like a cheap imitation. I watched the few damn good ones like Diversity, Susan Boyle and Hollie Steel, and coupled with the previous season's Connie Talbot, they just, I don't know, blew my mind away.

Connie talbot blows everyone away, duh. Like when I first saw the video, I was all. OMG. She's the same age as the twins and they're belting out high school musical songs in whiny off-pitch voices. She sounds so beautiful, I love her 'I Will Always Love You'.

Then Susan Boyle, she tooooo blew me to Kazakhstan. Just like the crowd, I wanted to laugh when she came onstage. She looked like Molly man. But then she opened her mouth and goodness me. She's amazing. I totally apologize.

And Hollie Steel, I read about how good she was on 8 days so I was alr expecting it. So when she started prancing around in her ballerina outfit, I was like 8 days was right, she isn't very good. :/ and I was waiting waiting for her to start singing. And she did. And wth I was like. :OOO Her last note, was even higher than Vanessa Hudgens' which is freakishly scary man. And she didn't go off-key or sing anything wrong at all. Her voice was like. OMGEEEEEEE.

And lastly, Diversity. They not only danced like super awesome, they were damn creative and it was so meaningful. Their dance group is made up of 3 grps of brothers and a few other friends all from different races, walks of life, ages and (different hairstyles) :D And they exploded man. They dance so well. And it was so co-ordinated.

And they started off with Martin Luther King's famous as ever 'I have a dream' which made it so meaningful because they are reflecting the thought of abolishing racial discrimination and they're not just trying to tell you, they are living examples. So so cool.

If Singapore ever did it right, you'll not have enough time to select the winner because there are just too many funny auditions to show. HONESTLY. Singaporeans are SUCH attention seekers, goodness. Sigh okay enough about critisizing my own country, I'm still sick.

EVEN SICKER NOW. Just checked temp. with the ODT and am a whopping 38.7. Stoooopid, tomorrow got Chem SPA and I don't want to miss it, but if not HOW. I can't possibly go to school in this condition. GRAH. Anyway, staring at this computer screen probably isn't helping. :/ haha. I shall go rest or smth.

Oh darn. It's not swine flu right? :O My brother just opened my door and held this conversation with me.

Eugene (E): How are you feeling?

Vanessa (V): Hot.

E: *rolls eyes* Do you have cough?

V: *nods*

E: Do you have flu?

V: *nods*

E: *opens eyes really wide* Omg, swine flu.

V: *rolls eyes* Wanna touch my burning forehead?

E: No, later I get infected. *but comes in anyway and touches my forehead, then shakes his hand as if i'm really THAT hot* Omg SWINE FLU!

he then runs out of my room.

OMG HOW?

:/ SIGHHH.

2009-05-25T18:06:00.002+08:00

I really fell sick. Woke up this morning and felt headachey and warm. my forehead and neck and face were quite hot, so I took my temperature with the Oral Digital, it was 37.4 which wasn't a cause for worry really, but my temperature with the ODT is normally within the range of 36.1 to 36.5. And I had a horribly strep throat that hurt when I swallowed. Went to see the doctor and got some meds, went home and slept.

Yeah the usual sick person routine I guess. Hnmm. Still feeling a tad warm and nose is blocked like crazy. I can' breathe. It sucks. Yeah and coughing spasms are still wrecking my body and hurting my lungs and throat. OH and yeah phlegm. Green and infected, yes. SIGH. Hate being sick.

A Little Too Not Over You

2009-05-20T22:22:00.005+08:00

Had NAPFA 2.4 today! So glad it's finally over with! No torture like that till next year! YESYESYES and until then I've still got to get through Os! D: NAPFA timing was relatively gooood! Improved from sec one two and three at least!

Sigh. Today wasn't such a good day for me in that well. Got back drama results. And yes it sucked. Practical was good, like everyone else. But I failed theory like siao. I guess cause, well, I rushed it out in school just before it was due cause of all the crazy things due that day. UGH.

Anyway. Jubilate on friday, really fast. And soon, like next week, it'll be week 10, and we'll have cheer auditions on friday. Kinda nervous. Scared of the seniorssss :/ But anyway yeah. I am kinda not really in the mood for blogging today :| another day.

It never crossed my mind at all
That's what I tell myself
What we had has come and gone
You're better off with someone else
It's for the best
I know it is
But I see you

Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside
And I turn around
You're with him now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

Memories supposed to fade
What's wrong with my heart
Shake it off let it go
Didn't think it would be this hard
Should be strong, moving on
But I see you

Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside
And I turn around
You're with him now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

Maybe I regret
Everything I said
No way to take it all back
Yeah
Now I'm on my own
How I let you go
I'll never understand

The second coming.

2009-05-18T23:08:00.004+08:00

I just read Amanda's blog, and feel the same way man. It's disgusting how alike our thoughts are sometimes. Ughhhh. *goosebumps* HAHA. But yeah, there's always these things about well, the end of the world.

I remember reading on the internet once that the world was going to end in 2008, november or december or something. I recall being a little fearful. But um, hello, earth to demented psychic, IT'S 2009?

But yeah, I know we're living in the end days and yes God is definitely coming back soon, and yes I know the question is when. I don't have the answer to that, no. Bt I will always rmb, long time ago, when I was, about 7?

Can't rmb, but I vividly remember Jiali jie jie, my cousin who's 5 years older than me. She told me that she had a dream, and the numbers 2030 just kept replaying in her head. I was young then and didn't think much about it but a few years later it suddenly flashed back to me and it suddenly occured to me it was a year.

A year I probably will still be alive for. A year that could possibly be a special one. Like say Christ's second coming. I told my cousin and surprisingly she remembered it too. And she told me that she had the exact same sentiments. Well, it's been almost 10 years since then and it's still etched in my head.

Don't know what it means, but well, y'know what, I don't want to think about it. Like Amanda said, I don't mind God coming back soon, end all this suffering, go to heaven and enjoy life instead of mug for O levels. SHIOK MAN.

But then it always hits me. Darn I want to get married first! And have children! It has honestly been my lifelong dream you know. As in, to get married to a husband I will live with and love forever and have beautiful children, a wonderful family and you know, fairy tale ending, all go heaven together.

I am indeed a hopeless romantic, how many have told me that. But I really look forward to the day I can walk down that aisle to be wed to the man I love. Love so much I wouldn't mind facing him forever.

Through sickness and health and for poorer or richer, and whatnot else bad habits or silly squabbles, or maybe even serious disagreements, but through it all, we'll have each other and divorce wouldn't be an option unlike how so many couples these days see marriage like a game. Love, is so. Underrated. Sigh. Call me a romantic, yes yes I hear you loud and clear.

Ah well. WAIT A MINUTE WHT AM I DOING HERE BLOGGING WHEN I SHOULD BE STUDYING BIO AND SS. VANESSA CHAN GO AND DIE. GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY AND ALL THE BEST FOR TOMORROW :X

Oh oh, Coach Elgin told me this on facebook, and i shall share it with all of you to encourage everyone tooooo. (:

Don't let the comments of others put you down nor change your perspectives on things. There's a difference between being simple and having a complicated mind. Let God be the anchor in things you do, and be who you're designed to be that, is greater than all people can say or do, comment or pass opinions.

Yes yes, and with that. I shall descend back down to muggsville. :/

Now you wanna be free

So I'm letting you fly

Cause you know in your heart babe

Our love will never die

Like some sort of morbid pipe dream. ):

Come Back To Me

2009-05-17T22:17:00.003+08:00

Why the shit did Venice have to be so troublesome. I can't even pronounce the stupid Doges names, how do you expect me to memorise what they did? I spent 3, almost 4 hours of my Sunday afternoon writing 9 freaking pages of notes on Venice.

And I haven't even finished it. It's 10:21pm now, and I still have a few pages of SS to study and three chapters of Bio, or was it 4? Damn it. I need that 25th hour of the day. But then again, I'd probably use it to sleep. No wait, but then I wouldn't fall asleep in class so much if I spent one extra hour sleeping right? Grah.

Corrine shared good I tell you. I NEEEEED SLEEEEEEEEP. :/ Psalms 127:1-2. The second verse spoke to me.

"In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for He grants sleep to those He loves."

So to all you out there who like me are mugging bio and SS, trust in the Lord, and you'll no only do well, you'll GET SLEEP.

So I'll let you go

I'll set you free

And when you see what you need to see

When you find you

Come back to me

Tears.

2009-05-12T00:27:00.001+08:00

I don't understand why we cry when we are sad. I mean, tears are just water. Excreting water is a symbol of sadness? So what, we sweat and pee when we're sad? It doesn't make sense to me, really. Crying is illogical. Haha, I am illogical.

Shit Happens.

2009-05-07T19:46:00.006+08:00

I don't understand why things have to happen sometimes. Things in school, though not directly to do with me, has really opened my eyes to the way people can be, and how scary this world is.

I think my parents were right. I am going to be hurt a lot. Cause i'm just too gullible. I realised, I believe people super easily. It's not good. My parents always tell me I'm too soft-hearted and street-dumb (if there's such a word) for my own good.

And in this way, it'll be hard to survive in society in future. Oh, I know, if Secondary School is kinda a foreshadowing of what is to come. I'm afraid. I want to cry. I don't want to be living forever in that sort of an environment.

Backstabbing, gossiping, bitching, being so fake, hypocritical, and I, I might just take it all in. Thought these belonged in Gossip Girl or Hollywood, not here. Somehow, I believe people very easily. It's hard for me to differentiate sarcasm from the truth sometimes.

Or at others, to tell when someone is being sincere, or not. Or maybe it's just that people, these strange strange creatures, have evolved into beings so capable of putting on facades, false smiles and sympathetic tones.

So capable of putting on a show. Acting. That I have become prey to it all. Like a foolish little child in the audience who believed that the tooth fairy on that stage was real and was going to be visiting me that night if I left my little tooth under my pillow, and exchange it for a shiny penny.

Yeah, I wish life were that simple. And as if school's not enough. It's not like the outside world is very much better. People are becoming increasingly difficult to be around. It's hard to know what people are really thinking and in these times, no, no one is going to have a heart to heart talk with you and slowly sort out your problems and emerge best friends.

No. That's just the way life is. Contrary to my belief so many times. It never occurred to me once that maybe some people had been putting on an act the whole time. Maybe everything I was once told by them was false. Fictional. Fairytale-esque. I don't know.

Maybe I just was too stupid and believed that things would be alright in the end. That everyone lived happy ever afters. It tears me up sometimes to think of what used to be, what could have been, and then reality, you know. Nah, this isn't about any one specific thing, more like, generally, what kind of shit life throws at us a lot.

It comes in different forms really, and also in different magnitudes, and especially at very different times. Worst of all if it comes when you're most unexpecting. Sigh. Life can be so freaking annoying sometimes. UGH.

Quote (a friend) : Shit Happens.

A Whole New World

2009-05-03T20:36:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9-CS2v8wcc&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fpillowfile%2Exanga%2Ecom%2F&feature=player_embedded

CHECK THIS OUT. He's awesome. His voice. :O

QING QING.

2009-04-27T19:03:00.002+08:00

Had Wei qing over for about 2 hours today on the pretext that we were studying. Okay we managed to discuss literature a beeeeet. Haha. And uhh, she filled me in on what they discussed for drama that day... Uhh. HAHA.

hmm, we marvelled at how some people can be so pretty, criticised how some people are so ugly but people still think they're pretty, at how fat i am. Haha, yeah. Not the most productive, yes, but oh well, it wa sonly 2 hours ANYWAY! What could we have done! :D

Oh, Tara has some thing on tomorrow so there won't be P Arts classss ): saaaaaad man. It's like one of the highlights of my week EVERYWEEK! And the thing we're doing, the school scene thing is really fun! Haha. STAND BY MEEEEEE <3

Oh well. Tomorrow will then be one of my more free days. No dance, so will be able to go home early for the first time in like... FOREVER. haha. Oh wells, need to go do homework now. :/

Rain down.

2009-04-26T14:42:00.002+08:00

Dawn had a miscarriage ): It's so so scary thinking about it because she only just found out last week that she as even expecting. And this week, that's it. Corrine was just saying that end of this yr we'd have a new little baby to play with, and then. Well. There isn't anymore.

It makes me question the fragility of human life. Now as an alive human being, I feel so in charge of my life. I say I'm going to do this this this, and end up here. Do this, have this, buy this, be like this and yes I have led a happy life. But I never thought what would happen if something like that happened.

I mean, who would expect miscarrying your first child? Or even, losing someone you love? Sometimes I think I take my family and friends for granted a little too much. I should stop being so selfish and thinking only of myself. Going to learn to serve the people around me.

Well, I guess it kinda ties in with the 100k blessing things right, be a blessing to the people around us, be it our loved ones, or even random strangers, cause anyone of them might be an angel in disguise right? Well, I'll have to learn to serve others around me more. I should stop thinking about myself so much. Hmmm.

It's drizzling now. Watching rain always makes me think really hard. I remember when I was smaller and was staying in my first apartment at this same condo here, we lived on level 3, and I had this bedside ledge thing right by the window. Late at nights when it rained and i found it hard to sleep, I'd wrap myself up in my blanket and sit by the ledge and just watch the rain.

I loved it. I loved how I felt so warm and cozy and safe in my house while the rain made everything wet and cold outside. I loved how the whole sky would suddenly be litted up by the streak of lightning. I would get a shock, cause it's really very scary watching a lightning bolt flash in front of your eyes.

But at the same time, there's this attraction to look at it anyway. I'd look out into the direction where the last lightning was and hoped the next one would come soon. I never understood my love-hate relationship with the lightning bolt.

Looks like tonight, the sky is heavy

Feels like the winds are gonna change

Beneath my feet, the earth is ready

I know its time for heaven's rain, it's gonna rain

Track & Field NATIONALS 2009!

2009-04-23T22:16:00.004+08:00

V-V-V-I-C, C-C-C-T-O, O-O-O-R-Y! Victory victory that's our cry!

S (clap clap clap clap)

N (clap clap clap clap)

G (clap clap clap clap)

S (clap clap clap clap)

SNGS! SNGS!

(screams and shrieks at top of lungs)

councillors (c): St Nicks Komama

Ole ole ah ah

(c): St Nicks Komama

Ole ole ah ah

(c): Shout it out

St Nicks

(c): Shout it out

St Nicks

Ohhhhhhhh

ST NICKS

SN! (clap clap)

ALL THE WAY! (clap clap)

SN! (clap clap)

ALL THE WAY! (clap clap)

Shen zhong tian jing yi ji bang!

Shen zhong tian jing gei ni xi wang!

Shen zhong tian jing wu fa di dang!

Shen zhong... Tian jing!

Wah, zhen bang!

Shen zhong... Tian jing

Oh yeaaaaaah.

councillors (c) : 1,2,3,4! Keep up the tempo!

1,2,3,4! Keep up the tempo!

(c): Here we go again!

Here we go again!

(c): On the battlefield again!

On the battlefield again!

(c): We'll beat others through and through!

We'll beat others through and through!

(c):Give it up for SNG!

Give it up for SNG!

Eh-yo eh-yo eh-yo eh-yo eh-yo eh-yo!

(c): Any sweat?

No sweat!

(c): St Nicks, 11 claps!

(clap clap clap clap clap, clap clap clap clap)

ST NICKS!

My head is still ringing with the sounds of our craaaazy cheers, and my throat dead from that even craaaazier screaming and shrieking. I think something in my throat gave way. It doesn't feel right. :/

ANYWAY. AM SO AWESOMELY PROUD OF AMANDA LEEE THAT BLACK BLUR (or so I knighted her) IT WAS THE FIRST TIME THE WHOLE 4 HOPE WAS LIKE 'OMG AMANDA IS DAMN COOL LEH. AMANDA LOOKS DAMN COOL WHEN SHE RUNS. THAT'S AMANDA! OMG!'

AND HONESTLY EVERYBODY IN 4 HOPE WAS SCREAMING AND CHEERING LIKE SOME CRAZED MANIACS WHENEVER AMANDA WAS ANYWHERE NEAR. I WOULD HAVE FELT SO LOVED IF I WAS AMANDA! HAHA.

But really, Amanda was really really gooood! She was the first runner for 4x400 and she beat like 3 ppl in that round and by the 300th metre, was leading the pack man! AWESOME SHIT I TELL YOU. but the stupid sports school person overtook her in the last, 50 metres or so. ): But it don't matter cause AMANDA LEE ZI YI was so awesome and we're all so incredulously proud of her and happy for her!

LOVE YOU AMANDA LEEEEEE! :D

GOLD

2009-04-22T22:24:00.003+08:00

Well, what can I say. About the whole world probably knows it already. Gold. CHIJ St. Nicholas Girls' School's Chinese Dance has achieved a Gold Award in the 2009 Singapore Youth Festival.

Sigh, yeah I know, Gold is already very good. But you must know the background okay. Expectations, disappointments, (yes i quote Midas play) we disappoint. See the thing is, we started training for this dance six months ago in november. 6 months is an awfully long time okay. Every tuesday and thursday, 3 hours every session.

Beginning of 2009, training intensified. 3 times a week, tues, thurs, sat. still, 3 hours each session. in the past two months, training became tues, thurs, sat 3 hours on weekdays, 4 hours on sat. and then we began to have little training sessions on extra days. mondays, fridays. 2 hours perhaps for specific parts of the dance at a time. and finally, the last 3 weeks, it's been tues thurs as normal, just always dragged till 7, and saturday trainings from 8 to 2.

That is, really, a lot of time on a student's day. Which may I remind you, includes homework, tests and projects. Everything for SYF, yes even missing the literature seminar that might affect our O levels. On the day of our competition itself, Sarah Fang was down with fever, but she still danced, despite feeling like she was going to faint anytime.

Everyone put in their best efforts. The whole burn the judges thing, yes we did it as best as we could. The energy level was high, everything seemed alright. We were confident, just like the warriors we were supposed to be. But well, I guess, not enough for the judges.

The worst part of it was, when we were gathered around Li lao shi and she was starting to tear. Gloria poked through and said "Li lao shi, ta men hui na me shang xin shi yin wei ta men jue de ta men dui bu qi ni le." and I tell you everyone just started sobbing like crazy and Li lao shi too.

It was so heartwrenching especially when after that Li lao shi said 'wo jue de wo dui bu qi ni men'. Honestly the whole dance just about drowned in their own tears. Li lao shi, had really less than half an arm's length radius around herself cause everyone had cornered her against the wall to listen to what she was saying.

She said when she got the results she was so upset and indignant she got straight on the train to go home. Then Yu lao shi heard that we were very affected by the news so she called li lao shi. Li lao shi missed her call thrice because she didn't want to talk to or see anybody at that point.

But finally she picked up and Yu lao shi said 'tong xue men zai ku ah, ni yao bu yao xia qu kan kan ah?' so well, Li lao shi at first didn't want to because she said she 'mei xin qing' but finally yu lao shi picked her and they came.

It was really really sad because all of us were actually already quietening down. but when Li lao shi stepped through the door, everyone burst out into tears again. We couldn't bear to look at her. All the time and efforts she spent on us. ): But she was really the best coach ever.

Although sometimes she PMSes a bit, she really cares about us a lot. Sigh and i just realised today that other than this other school, we were her only school. And she told us clearly that the other school was a modern dance and it was really bad. She specifically said she preferred us so much more to them, heh. And so she really only focused on us. Sigh oh well. Must really thank her one of these days.

Well, Gold is good too la I guess. (:

Mynah tale.

2009-04-19T16:12:00.003+08:00

I always wonder how awesome it must feel to be an animal. A bird, maybe. No, not for the freedom of flying. Humans can fly too y'know, you hop on a contraption called an airplane. I don't understand what people mean about flying like a bird being a free feeling. I believe if I were a bird, flying wouldn't get me away from anything because everything that bothers me, is in my head, and in my heart.

I was watching, observing, rather, this mynah that day at Yio Chu Kang station. It was hopping precariously close to the entrance of the station and I felt my heart screaming "Don't go in there you dummy, if you get stuck in there you'll die cause you're too stupid to get out!"

It stood at the door for quite a while, seemingly considering the pros and cons of entering. The whole time, I found my heartbeat unwittingly getting faster and increasingly concerned about that bird. Someone stalked out through at that point, this man who had just opened the packet of a bun and begun to eat it. The bird was a tad startled by the man and hopped away. I actually felt myself breathe a sigh of relief. -.-

Anyway, so the man is eating his bun right, he stands and leans against the pillar, munching and munching. I continue watching my friend the mynah. It was standing a few feet away from that man, its head cocked to one side, and almost staring at the man imploringly. The man didn't notice, but I did. It was simply standing there, watching and waiting. It must have been hungry.

It continued standing there until the man turned to walk off. The little bird, a bit confused, hopped along, following the man like it was hoping desperately the man would be some sort of messy eater and leave a crumb for it to peck up. Well, poor li'l thing, he wasn't. It then gave up on the man and hopped off someplace else to look for people who look like they would drop crumbs on the floor.

I feel like the little mynah sometimes, y'know. I want something, and I just stand there waiting and looking, hoping from the bottom of my heart that they'd drop a little something of themselves for me to lap up. Maybe it's cause, like the bird, I know that I won't be able to get the full bun no matter how hard I try. So wishing for the crumbs seemed the next best solution. Just a little, any bit. But sometimes, like the man who walked away, people aren't such messy eaters. And it isn't quite so easy to simply hop off looking for someone who looks like they'd drop crumbs. That's the way it is in this disgustingly confusing human world.

And I, am left feeling empty.

Unlike the bird however, it isn't my stomach.

Photo, by Ryan Cabrera

2009-04-19T15:54:00.003+08:00

A photo can say a thousand things
But it can't say the million things I wanna say
A photo can capture the way we were
But it can't capture the way we are
'Cause you're far away
What it's like to know you
What it's like to touch you

When you told me that you loved me
were those just words
You can't tell me you don't need me
and I know that hurts
'Cause I'm looking at your picture
'Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day
You and me will have one more shot

Timing lost minutes and moments
And I might be lonely girl
But I'm not afraid
In a second
It all comes right back to me
Nothing's forgotten now
Yeah everything's saved
What it's like to touch you
What it's like to know you

When you told me that you loved me
were those just words
You can't tell me you don't need me
and I know that hurts
'Cause I'm looking at your picture
'Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day
You and me will have one more shot

You were my life
you were my faith
You gave me hope every day

When you told me that you loved me
were those just words
You can't tell me you don't need me
and I know that hurts
'Cause I'm looking at your picture
'Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day
You and me will have one more shot

Always knew my compulsiveness to take pictures was for a reason. Photographs are just such awesome things. A simple way to keep someone beside you forever, even when they aren't physically there. Photographs provide this intangible presence of the person so strong, especially when you won't ever get that close to the person ever again. Of course, all the better if the person could remain with you forever right, but then again, wth is forever?

YOU WISH.

Or rather, I wish.

Of babies and awards.

2009-04-16T21:10:00.004+08:00

GOOD NEWS REALLY MAKES A PERSON'S DAY :D

FIRSTLY, MODERN DANCE GOT GOLD WITH HONOURS FOR THEIR SYF! SORRY I AM IN SUCH A STATE OF PRIDE AND EXCITEMENT FOR THEM THAT I CAN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO KEEP YOU IN SUSPENSE. GOOD NEWS SHOULD BE BROADCAST TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH BABYYYY! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOO!

I'M SO SO SO PROUD OF THEM, REALLY. THEY REALLY IMPROVED SO DRASTICALLY AND AWESOMELY YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT. THEY REALLY REALLY DESERVED THE GWH! CONGRATULATIONS YOU GUYS!!! LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! SO GLAD WE CAUGHT THAT BLARDY TAXI AND GOT TO THE UCC ON TIME AND CAUGHT YOUR WONDERFUL GOLD WITH HONOURS PERFORMANCE! EXCELLENT JOB YOU GUYS HONESTLY FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

well, of course, with that comes the immense pressure and stress now on the chinese dancers because it'll be sad if we don't get gwh too cause well we all worked equally hard for it. but i'm really really nervous and worried and scared for our dance because of the amount of emotion we seriously lack. ):

COME ON CHINESE DANCE BUCK UP BUCK UP! WE HAVE 5 DAYS WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER ALRIGHT! MAKE ST NICKS AND DANCE SOCIETY PROUD LIKE MAAAAAAAAD!

SECOND PIECE OF AWESOME NEWS THAT I ONLY JUST RECEIVED TONIGHT. DAWN IS PREGNANT! PREGGERS AND BLOATED UP WITH A WIDDLE BABY! :DDDDDD SO EGGCITING! OMGOMGOMG!

WHEN I GOT HER MESSAGE I WANTED TO SHRIEK BUT WAS ALL ALONE IN MY ROOM SO CALLED MAVIS TO SHRIEK AND WE SQUEALED AND SCREAMED LIKE SOME MAD DOGS OVER THE PHONE FOR A WHILE! AHHAHAHAHA. SO AWESOME SO AWESOME! IAGINE A MINIATURE DAWN RUNNING AROUND EXPO HALL 9! AAAAAAHHHHHH! OMGOMGOMG. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. SORRY SORRY REALLY EXCITED NOW.

okay and now, i burst my own happy bubble with the reminder that i have an a math test to study for tomorrow. :/ OH WELLS.

CHINESE DANCE COME ON WE CAN DO THIS OKAY! ALL THE WAAAAAAAAAAY!

PMS? Nah.

2009-04-12T21:15:00.004+08:00

Am in a bit of a strange mood now. Don't know. Just feel like... Crying/jumping around/talking to my friends/sleeping/eating all at the same time. Just feel very, don't know leh, stifled? No la, I mean, I kinda feel like a lot of different things at once now, which is, quite strange. MMMM.

Went to church today (: Was kinda fun I guess, haha. Ps Khong preached a good message as always, went for lunch at the bedok hawker centre with the guys and Mavis and I came to the realisation of why we're like so fat. I mean, why I'm so fat. SHE IS A STICK. So yeah, I bought fish soup, she bought curry noodles. Think that sounds alright? Sure.

It was, until, we both got a craving for goreng pisang, and decided to buy one each. And then, decided to share a mango ice kachang. Awesomeness. We were watching Kenneth eat. He bought chicken rice right, and just as he was finishing the rice, he took this other bowl of rice and added it to the plate and finished the whole thing.

We were like :O but then realised he's eating proper food man. Mavis and i were like stuffing ourselves with crap. Goreng pisang is like banana, flour and oil. Ice kachang is like, ice and sugar. GREAT. Oh oh, cause Mavis and i don't like the red beans and corn AND atap seed in the ice kachang, and when I told the uncle 'bu yao hong dou' he obviously didn't hear.

So we spent the first 5 mins digging out the red beans and corn and dumping them into Mavis' curry bowl. HAHA. In Benjamin's words, 'Enjoy your ice! You know, cause you guys picked out like the kachang..' Haha. After that was taking train back with Mavis and Kenneth and we decided to play Kenneth's iphone.

The app 'bubblewrap' and 'dizzy bee' are FUN man. HAHA. Bubble wrap was stupid cause i have sweaty palms and made his whole screen wet, quite sad. So we decided to try dizzy bee! HAHA. freaking funny. you have to tilt the screen and not let the black blob touch your bee! So we were like squealing and making weird noises and flinging his phone here and there to save our bees! HAHA. but it was really fun la.

Like Corrine said, girls have the most fun. Guys just talk about, uh, soccer? Then army? Then work? Then buying houses and cars? it's all so boring and technical. And us girls? HAHA. AWESOMEST SHIT ALIVE MAN :D

OESTROGEN FTW.

SHI MIAN MAI FU!

2009-04-10T20:01:00.003+08:00

The stage is an awesome thing. It transforms people. When news got back that band got Gold with Honours for their SYF, my first reaction was 'awesome!' and then it started to plummet into a 'that really sets the standards', to a 'shit we're next'.

We started training for the SYF last year, in like... November? Or was it October? I can't remember, but we honestly have been working really hard for the SYF. Recently, after adding the Saturday trainings, we're adding in like almost double the effort yet, I still have this niggling fear that we might not do well. Which would be crazy sad because I mean, who would want their efforts to go to waste?

If after putting in so much extra time and energy to do this well and we don't get the results we want, I'd be really sad. To the strange juniors who might not feel the same way, well, I really want to box them. I overheard a conversation by some juniors once saying smth to the effect of "Gold with honours is just a name lor, it doesn't even mean anything".

Well, this name is really for the glory of our school. for the glory of the Lord, and for the glory of dance society. Don't be so freaking selfish and think only of yourself. If you don't want to strive for what the rest of us are striving for then don't even take part in the SYF.

That's what our dance really needs now. A censure. Not someone nice like li lao shi who keeps you guys in only cause she feels bad if she leaves you all out. Honestly, li lao shi has told us that a lot of the juniors are really not doing well enough but she'd feel bad if she only let them appear in too small a part. But it's like, WTH. Is dance a charity now??!

Let the juniors know that if they do not put in their effort, they will not be in. Not make empty threats and tell them that if you don't improve, you'll be out of the dance, but end up not doing anything about it. If we honestly don't get the desired results because of the juniors, I'd be so pissed.

Gah. STRESSED. Tomorrow is the full dress you know! D: And the modern dance is really very good now already. I love watching them dance. It's so awesome you know. And a lot of the chinese dancers still think that out dance is better than theirs just because last time they were a bit slower?

OH WAKE UP! Look at their emotions, look at their neatness. LOOK AT US! EVEN MY PORTION, I ADMIT. I know that the ji qiao part, my split in the air really really sucks. I know that and that's why I always train really hard for my split. I pulled something in my right hamstring but no choice I still have to go on right.

Just push myself and get down onto that freaking split so that my jump can be even remotely close to the standard of Abigail, Shu xiang and Felicia's. So please, if anyone from dance is reading this, put in your effort. Stop being complacent. Really look at yourself. if you know that your actions are not as good as the others do something about it okay? I plead, now.

Our SYF is one week later than the modern dance, can we please make use of that one week to the greatest we can? TOGETHER, WE CAN DO THIS, TRUST ME. (:

WHAT DO WE WANT WARRIORS?

SHA SHA SHA!

GOLD WITH HONOURS!

YEAAAAAAH!

FOOLS AND MORE FOOLS.

2009-04-01T17:02:00.003+08:00

APRIL FOOL'S DAY THIS YEAR WAS AWESOME SHIZZ! :D I know I'm the lame kind who will actually try to prank my friends on April Fool's Day every year, but it's fun la! HAHA. So yeah this years, I almost forgot, but my parents turned off the internet at 11:52 and I recall checking the date then and it suddenly hit me that it'd be April Fool's in 8 mins.

So I crafted the smses and waited. At 12:00, I sent 3 different types of pranks to my friends and gleefully awaited their replies. I vividly recall last years' replies being UBER HILARIOUS. So yes, one of the messages went like this

'How could you do something like that? Omg, i can't believe you're this kind of person. Don't ever talk to me again okay. You're so disgusting. I hate you.'

Next was

'Hey 4 Hope, pass down the relay system! Mrs Tan is going to spring a surprise test tmr on applications of differentiation! Quick go study!'

and last but not least

'Hey, I'm outside your house now. I can't take it anymore. Life sucks. Can you come out and meet me for a while please, I really need you. Just for a while.'

For the second and third smses I left a large space and then said HAPPY APRIL FOOLS'! or smth to that effect. So yes. I waited and waited. THEN BZZZZ.

I checked.

Gloria!(:

01-Apr-2009 00:02

Uh. Vanessa. Are you on drugs?

(i hate you sms)

Kim

01-Apr-2009 00:02

Eh... Van you sent me an i hate you sms?

(i hate you sms)

Shu Xiang

01-Apr-2009 00:03

Happy April fool's! :D I'm not stupid!

(i hate you sms)

Santhiya

01-Apr-2009 00:03

HUH

(i hate you sms)

Abigail!(:

01-Apr-2009 00:05

YOU ARE SICK AND PERVERTED IN THE MIND, THIS IS NO APRIL FOOL'S JOKE, GO REFLECT IN A CORNER!

(surprise a math test sms)

Rebecca!

01-Apr-2009 00:11

Oh my goodness! I'm so gonna get you back for this. I was so worried and scared! ):

(i hate you sms)

Amanda!

01-Apr-2009 00:12

OMG HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME! I JUST RAN OUT OF THE HOUSE SHOUTING VANESSA VANESSA DON'T DO IT! REMEMBER GOD LOVES YOU! THEN I TRIPPED ON THE STAIRS AND FELL 1 FLIGHT DOWN! I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THAT. (leaves large space) ps. this is not a april fool's joke. i am looking to sue. HAHA! okay it is, Gosh i'm so good at this. Love you more :D

(outside your house emo sms. btw, I LAUGHED LIKE A MAD DOG TO MYSELF WHILE READING HER SMS)

Dionne!

01-Apr-2009 00:26

And you are darn lame (i'm not kidding, haha) Happy April Fool's :D!

(outside your house emo sms)

Celine!

01-Apr-2009 07:02

Hur hur well i AM a disgusting person! So the jokes on YOU! Muahaha! :)

(i hate you sms)

HAHAHA I HAVE HILARIOUS FRIENDS. Did I mention Santhiya even called to ask what the hell was up. HAHA. She very nearly wanted to strangle me when she heard it was an April Fool's joke. :D And that STOOOOPID X 78037329 REBECCA WONG, fell for my joke, and then proceeded to FORWARD it to Shereen.

Probably quite forgetting i sit beside Shereen in class. Sp in class Shereen told me that Rebecca sent her an i hate you sms for april fool's. and showed it to me. I then read out the message I had sent Rebecca on Shereen's phone. REBECCA THE RETARD INDEED. HAHAHA.

OH OH BEST PART OF ALL.

After recess, Abigail and i were strolling back to class as always for math lesson. Alison sees us and runs towards us.

Alison: Eh the teacher say hurry up!

Vanessa: What teacher? Isn't it Mrs tan?

Abigail: Don't know.

we start to run and upon nearing our class find Mrs Tan Mui Fong, and not mrs Christina Tan standing at the door. Two of us look bewildered but quickly rush in, totally aware of Mrs Tan Mui Fong's reputation of locking ppl out of the classroom if they were late getting back frm recess.

More than half the class was locked out and bewildered because we were all wondering where Mrs Christina Tan was.

Finally, Mrs Tan Mui Fong gave us the news.

Mrs Tan Mui Fong: Good news, Mrs Tan is pregnant and has to take urgent leave for one month because the doctor wants her to rest at home (stops to let the screams and squeals and omgs die down) It was quite unexpected because she came this morning to let us know and to make arrangements so for the next mth ahead, any math teacher that's free during your period will take turns to come in.

(whole class abuzz with 'when's mrs tan coming back?' 'omg mrs tan will make such a great mother!' 'oh no mrs tan won't be able to follow us for our learning journey anymore!' 'i want mrs tan back!' 'i always suspected she was pregnant but didn't dare to ask!' 'omg i'm so happy for her!'s)

Cleo: Mrs Tan, is Mrs Tan, Mrs Christina Tan, I mean, is she happy??

Mrs Tan Mui Fong: Uhh, I don't know how to gauge...

Amanda: Last time remember Mrs Tan said it was her choice to not have kids?

(a murmur of oh yas go through the class and at this moment, the door swings open and MRS CHRISTINA TAN IS STANDING THERE IN ALL HER AWESOMENESS SAYING "HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY GIRLS!")

WHOLE CLASS SHRIEKS AND SCREAMS LIKE MAD DOGS AT OUR AWESOME STUPIDITY AND NAIVETY. We don't stop for a good 10 mins. We honestly felt so happy for Mrs tan, couldn't wait for her baby to be born, wanted to go visit her, ETC. AND THEN WE REALISED THAT SHE WAS FOOLING US THE WHOLE TIME.

Amanda's "I always suspected she was pregnant" was so EMBARRASSING I TELL YOU. HAHAHAHA. BUT YEAH MRS TAN IS SUCH AN AWESOME AWESOME TEACHER! She really isn't just A TEACHER to us but as she said once before, she's our MOTHER! And we all absolutely adore our mother! :D

THAT WAS THE BEST APRIL FOOL'S DAY JOKE EVER PLAYED THAT I BELIEVED SO WHOLEHEARTEDLY WITH EVERY FIBRE OF MY BEING I TELL YOU. SO AWESOME. HAHA. Anyway yeah. Okay shall blog again soon some other day when I'm freeeee (:

Faith, for when it's hard to believe.

2009-03-29T17:48:00.007+08:00

Pastor Khong preached about faith today. And to be honest, I really don't think I have very much of that. I know, recently, God has really come through for me, answering all my prayer requests and giving me so much assurance that He is real and He is there for me.

And yet, sometimes I still find myself wondering whether He really is. As in of course when everything's going well, and your prayer requests are answered, you will be like "God is so awesome, God is amazing." But when you're feeling down, and everything is going wrong, it just seems so natural to blame God you know like "Why didn't you answer my prayer requests, Lord? Now everything's going wrong."

But I learnt something in church today. I mean, not directly but while Pastor Khong was talking it just popped into my head.

I think, that FAITH, is trusting God when you don't feel him.

You know, a lot of times, people who don't believe in God say "How do I know He's real? I don't feel him working in my life." Honestly, I can't give you an answer, but it's when you don't feel him that you should have faith and trust in Him and He will bring you through. That's how you establish that He is real.

If of course, the Lord decides to show you a sign, a miracle, then lucky you. If say someone said "I will believe God if this tree topples over now." And it does. The person cannot possibly not believe in God right! In cases like those, of course, it's so easy to believe God because you can sense His presence, you know it couldn't have been luck or chance but God.

However it's when you look at the tree and say "I will believe in God if this tree topples now." AND IT DOESN'T. Now there's the catch. Non-believers will say "See, God isn't real." But to us believers who have faith that our God is real, my answer to the person will be "No, God is real. He just doesn't want the tree to topple at this moment because He has a purpose for everything. What if the tree really toppled now and toppled onto you?"

God has a divine time and purpose for everything and we should all remember, whenever we feel hopeless or faithless that God is there always. It's just sometimes, we shut Him out of our hearts and it feels like He isn't there. We just have to open the doors of our hearts again so He can take control of the situations again.

Yeah that's about all I wanted to say. So to whoever might be feeling down or that the weight of the world is on your shoulders, nothing's going right, remember that God is and will always be there for you no matter what. (:

Take care! LOVES! <3

Over the mountains and the seas

Your river runs with love for me

And i will open up my heart and let the healer set me free

I'm happy to be in the truth

And I will daily lift my hands

For I will always sing

Of when your love came down

Funny funny friends.

2009-03-28T21:43:00.006+08:00

Why won't you believe me when I say I'm alright now?

Oh oh, told Shereen that day and wrote it in my diary that I would blog about Amanda's embarrassingness. That day in class during math, the class was relatively quiet, all attempting to solve the annoying application of differentiation question. Mrs Tan, facing the board, writing the next question.

CRASH!

Mrs Tan jumped and whirled around. Shereen and I clutch at our hearts and turn to face the back to see what exactly made that crazy noise.

The sight that greeted me was awfully hilarious. A black mess was splayed on the floor, chair askew. The people closest to the black blotch were like stunned. All just staring blankly at the mess.

Well, if you haven't already gotten it, Amanda toppled off the chair halfway through math lesson.

Mrs Tan ran over to Amanda where she sat on the floor, face twisted in this extremely weird expression like she was so embarrassed by her own stupidity that she wanted to hide in a hole. HOWEVER. She is Amanda, the uncontested Miss EMBARRASSING and so she merely burst out into her horse chortles, causing the entire class, Mrs Tan included to erupt into a chorus of laughter.

"AMANDA LEE, HOW DO YOU FALL OFF YOUR CHAIR DOING MATH?"

AMDL: "I was leaning over, (attempted to show us, whole class "NOOOO AMANDA YOU'RE GOING TO FALL AGAIN!") and fell." (AMANDA BURSTS INTO HER HORRIBLY INFECTIOUS LAUGHTER YET AGAIN)

I don't understand how that girl does it, honestly. She can embarrass herself anywhere, anytime, anyhow.

OH OH ANOTHER SUPER FUNNY INCIDENT.

(In Secondary AVA room for Lit remedial. Seated beside me is Abigail, beside Abigail is Dionne and beside Dionne is Cleo. I am putting my bags down to sit down)

Abigail: (nudges me with a sad but half-laughing face) Lang, my corn...

The packet corn that I had bought her was lying sideways on her chair, about 6 little balls of corn randomly splayed around. I start to giggle cause the little corns looked really funny. Abigail's face didn't help. I quickly take the packet away leaving the pathetic few little balls of corn there.

Abigail: How lang? Do you have tissue??

Me: No. Ask Dionne or Cleo?

Abigail: (turns to Dionne) Dionne, look at my corn! (gives sad face, Dionne sniggers) Do you have tissue?

Dionne: Nope, Cleo?

Abigail: Cleo, do you have tissue?

Cleo: (considers for a brief moment) Nope, ran out sorry. But I have pantyliner.

Abigail, Vanessa, Dionne: !?!? (BURSTS OUT LAUGHING LIKE MAD DOGS)

Abigail: Cleo, I need to clean up my corn. I need tissue.

Cleo: Pantyliner can soak up the corn what!

Dionne: (tries to supress her breathless chortles)

(and fails. we all laugh like crazy dogs.)

CLEO IS DARN PRO, REALLY.

Anyways, yeah that was about all I wanted to post for the day, haha. Oh oh one more thing, Kim, Aizhen and I are screwed for P arts on tuesday. Based on our stimulus the toy mic, we came up with this super sad piece about a girl whose mother died and we realised that none of us can handle serious. Everyone'd just burst out laughing. DIE.

I'm better off without you,

more than you, more than you know.

Cause I'm slowly getting closure

I guess it's really over

I'm finally getting better

And now I'm picking up the pieces

I'm spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together

Cause the day I thought I'd never get through

I got over you.

Seats.

2009-03-26T15:51:00.002+08:00

I ACTUALLY LISTEN IN CLASS NOW. It's amazing, really. I think it's cause I'm sitting in the front row now, literally right under the teacher's nose. The other reason is that there is no Jing yi to sing with anymore ): SNIFFS.

But Shereen is quite fun to sit with too! Haha. It's only been a day though so no, um, scary chemistry yet. HAHA. Not like how Jing yi and I would burst into song randomly at exactly the same part of the song during lesson time. Funny shizz man.

But I think I will try to focus on studies more this term then. Since Shereen listens in class too so maybe I will! :D Haha. Anyways, NO DANCE TODAY! ((: So happy I tell you. It's been 4 years since I came back early on a Thursday man. Haha.

Was feeling in a very happy mood today, haha. I guess I got bitten by the happy bug! If there even is such a thing! GOOD LI'L CRITTER! You should totally come visit me more. OH OH, YAN YAN CALLED ME THAT DAY! :DDD I MISS THAT LITTLE ROUND BOLSHEVIK SOOOO MUCH! ):

It was so strange that when I picked up the phone at 10 pm, she told me that she'd be leaving for school soon at 8 am over there! She's coming back during her holidays in August or smth I think! HOPE SHE HURRY COMES BACK! Anyways, have lit MSND test tmr so need to go mug and re-read. I like totally forgot all the Helena Hermia shizzle since the last time we touched it. SO DEAD.

XOXO, V!

Memories.

2009-03-25T20:21:00.004+08:00

Memories are scary, you know. Watched PUSH two weeks ago with Corrine and Mavis. Was just thinking how scary it'd be if there were those people who can look you in the eyes and give you memories you never had or erased the memories you had.

Like say how the greatest memories you've ever had could be wiped out, just like that. If I wouldn't have the memories of happy moments to hold onto, I'd rather not have had those moments then. It would be so devastatingly sad.

Memories are quite awesome too. My father told me that everytime you think about or recall a memory, you are increasing the length you'll be able to remember it the next time. Confusing? Well, basically, if I can remember what I just learnt in 5 mins, and I revisit it, I'll be able to remember it for 20 mins now. After 20 mins if I memorise it again, I will remember it for an hour. And so on and so forth.

Quite cool no? Quite scary too in that if you do not revisit these memories they will just float right out of your head. For good. It's like how when my cousins and I talk about childhood memories and I say 'remember last time we did this?' and they're like, uhh no. In my head I remember it so clearly but they who experienced the exact same thing, do not remember it at all. Strange eh?

I wonder how long it will take to forget, say, seven months worth of memories? 2 months? Maybe, maybe.

Keep you with me

In my heart

You make it easier

When life gets hard

LOVE.

2009-03-22T20:05:00.003+08:00

I feel so much like a stupid teenager at this point. Honestly, I hate how my emotions and my heart always ends up ruling my head. I keep feeling like I'm so not in control of my life. What my heart says, I follow. Which sucks.

I try to let God take the lead and not my heart but it's so hard to sometimes. I don't even understand why my heart thinks some things (okay technically it can't think) feel, rather. why the feelings in my heart are the way they are. It's so weird. And since i have been studying Midsummer night's dream, I quote Bottom about the whole 'love and logic hardly go together nowadays' or something to that effect.

I don't think what's in my heart is even love can. How can I, a girl who has only lived 15 and a half years know what that four letter word is. I mean, it's like, people can say they love each other so much and end up getting divorced. Why? It's hardly explainable. Maybe cause they didn't know the true meaning of love.

According to the dictionary, love is defined as 'intense feelings of deep affection'. I don't agree here really. The stupid hormones in our body give us the same effects even when we might not end up living with that someone for the rest of our lives. The definition of love, to me, is God. Well and truly.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Can anyone stand up and say that they love their husbands/wives/girlfriends/boyfriends with this sort of love. I think not. But God is patient, God is kind, He never fails. So if you fit God into these verses and substitute love, it fits. Conclusion drawn, God = LOVE. God loved us so much He sent His only son down to this earth to be crucified on the cross. Can any of us do that? Nope, I don't think so. I wouldn't send my son to die for a bunch of stupid sinners would I? But God did.

I just suddenly feel that love is so underrated. Nowadays, couples who get married cause they love one another, do so by the dictionary's definition. Which is sad, because these strong feelings will fade away, and then there'll be nothing left to hold the two people together. Sad isn't it?

I was just reading about Glenn Ong and Jamie Yeo who are getting divorced. I mean, come on la, everyone talked about how sweet their relationship was, how in love they were. Well, whatever happened? Quite disgusting also, how they use God's name in the same sentence they're talking about the divorce.

God so obviously does not condone divorces. Love never fails, remember? Well, evidently not to them who feel that as long as those deep feelings of affection are gone, there's nothing to stay together for anymore. What crap. But oh well, whatever la. I am in no position to criticize them but I pray hard that the next generation does not all turn into mush because of things like this.

Lord take my heart, I'm giving it to you.

RACING TO WITCH MOUNTAIN :D

2009-03-19T00:08:00.007+08:00

YESTERDAY WAS FUNFUNFUN! Went to watch Race to witch mountain with Santhiya, Kim, Douglas and Leroy. Was supposed to meet at orchard cine at 2:30 cause the movie was at 2:40. Douglas reached first around 2:27. I reached next at punctually 2:30. We waited for the rest who all eventually arrived at 2:45. BEST.

So anyway we RACED up to buy the tickets to catch RACE to witch mountain (haha sry, punny i know.) So yeah the show was quite cool, very Disney. Haha. The songs they used were super that kind if you know what I mean.

It's like when the spaceship was revealed, there was that mysterious but majestic music. So corny. But nice la! hahaha. And our darling San "teared" at the last part when they had to return to their planet! HAHA.

Oh and the girl and boy were super pretty and cute man! haha. I realised the girl was from Bridge to Terabithia, Annasophia Robb! I LIKE HER A LOT! She looks like a younger version of Keira Knightley! damn cool! haha.

So anyway, San and Doug were very noisy throughout the movie luh! haha. Kim asked me if they were mad and i said ya i think so. haha. After the movie we went to eat Long John's, yummy yummy.

After food, we all followed Kim to Heeren to her Spin the bottle to see her bag. haha. Then kim had to leave for work, so she left and we went back to orchard cine to go play! haha. We went to play air hockey first.

We teamed up Leroy and me versus San and Doug first. AND WE LOST ): After that, we switched, me and doug versus San and Leroy. And I think they won also. I'm like some jinx honestly.

FINALLY. When it was Santhiya and me versus the guys, WE TIED! WE TOTALLY WOULD HAVE WON IF DOUGLAS DIDN'T CHEAT BY ALWAYS PULLING OUT THE PUCK WHEN IT WENT IN HALFWAY AND GOT JAMMED LOR! HAHAHA.

Then we headed upstairs to play Foozball. AND I DISCOVERED THAT I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO MOTOR SKILLS WHATSOEVER. IT WAS DISGUSTING. I own-goaled, let in goals I could have stopped and had totally spastic hands. I MADE LEROY LOSE like twice I think. But thank goodness after that when I teamed up with San, we DREW!!! GIRL POWER IS AWESOME LA I TELL YOU. :D HAHAHA.

And the stupid Foozball dude, one of them didn't have legs! Haha. So the team with that dude was seriously handicapped. HAHA. But after that, we totally proved the girl power thing wrong. IN POOL.

WAH LAU I TELL YOU. LEROY AND DOUGLAS TRAIN SECRETLY ONE LOR. WHY THEY PLAY POOL SO WELL?!?

Santhiya and i were down there making complete fools of ourselves can. We were missing the ball, hitting it hard but it only rolled like damn short distance that kind. The guys were shooting balls in like crazy. SO ANNOYING. HAHAHA.

Okay I just found out today from Cleo and Gloria that Doug is like some PRO POOL PLAYER (ooh aliteration! :D) so it's like. I was totally embarrassing myself there can. There was this totally champion ball man.

This red ball was sitting very comfortably right beside the hole right, the cue ball was totally in line to shoot it into the hole. I just had to poke the cue ball, let it tap the red ball, and I'd get a point, correct? WRONG.

I AIM UNTIL LIKE SIAO RIGHT, DON'T KNOW WHY I SO PRO IN THE END, MY WHITE BALL DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH THE FREAKING RED BALL AND ROLLED IN INSTEAD. CHAMPION RIGHT. XD Haha but it was super funny cause I was so spastic.

And then worst part, playing halfway, I suddenly got a toe cramp. -.- HAHA. It was so loserish I tell you. I just randomly poked the ball, and it rolled randomly into nothingness... AND THEN BAM. My toe had this crazy cramp, the whole toe was like straight and hurt like mad. I wanted to cry I tell you.

I just stood there clutching the table and moaning "Toe cramp, toe cramp..." And the others gave me the 'how do you get toe cramp from playing pool?' look. Honestly, I have no idea. But i did anyway. Haha. It was super painful la. I just squatted down and wiggled my toe around while I clenched my teeth in the agonizing pain. It got better after a while but still lingered like a bit for the rest of the day. :/ haha.

But yeah after the game, we left Orchard cine and went to Taka for Hokkaido ice-cream! :D San bought a drink from Aunty Anne's, I bought CARAMEL AND SEA SALT ICE-CREAM! haha. Santhiya hated it. HAHA she doesn't like mixed tastes haha. But it's really interesting! It's like Sweet and then Salty and then yummy yummy taste! hahaha. IT GROWS ON YOU Y'KNOW! HAHA.

The first time I ate it also I thought it tasted funky, but after that I liked it man! And ANYWAY Douglas also liked it after eating quite a few scoops of mine okay! Haha. Doug got chocolate banana (IT'S REALLY GOOD) and Leroy got Lychee. So, ice-creams in hand, we went to sit at the steps outside Taka and ate till I had to go, haha.

OH OH OH! Doug taught me a new word! JEW! HAHAHA. IT MEANS KIAM SIAP, otherwise known as stingy and cheapo, basically, singaporean-y. AHAH. Cause Santhiya that brilliant girl, plugged her phone in to charge it but forgot to switch on the plug and so her phone was desperately needing battery. She decided to go steal some power from the apple store by plugging her iphone in to charge it.

And Douglas was like "Omg, San's so JEW!" I gave him the hah, what's that? look. And he couldn't believe ppl in our school don't use it. :D I NEVER HEARD IT BEFORE MAN! And for girls, you can even use JEWDETTE or something. LIKE WHAAAAT??? HAHAHAHA. SO FUNNNY MAN. He said in ACS everyone uses it. DIFFERENT WORLDS MAN. XD

SO YEAH NEW WORD MAN! I'M DARN PRO. HAHAHA. SO yes yesterday was awesome day. HAHA. we should totally go out together more often man. Haha. LOOOOVE YOU GUYS! <3

Paper bags and plastic hearts

All our belongings in shopping carts.

AMUSEMENT.

2009-03-17T12:40:00.004+08:00

Had this sudden urge to make this world a happier place by sharing some of the jokes we created that day. We, being the sec four Chinese dancers Dion, Abigail. Shu xiang, Lynette and I. Haha. It started off with a very simple corny joke that went like this.

Shuxiang: Where does a corn go to hide?

Abigail: IN A CORN-ER!

(all burst out laughing)

It's funny right! hahaa. So yeah from there, it just started all our corny brain juices flowing and we started coming up with CORN-y jokes on the spot while dancing.

Where do you keep your corn?

In a CORN-tainer!

How do corns see?

Through their CORN-ea

What does a corn with really nice hair use?

CORN-ditioner!

What happens when you spin a corn around many times?

It gets CORN-fused!

Where do corns study?

In a CORN-ducive environment!

What do you call a dirty corn?

CORN-taminated!

What shoes do corns wear?

CORN-verse!

What happens to corn when you eat it?

It is CORN-sumed!

Where do corns live?

In CORN-dominiums!

Where do corns go when they shop for groceries?

To the e-CORN minimart!

What do you call a corn with a phone and internet access?

CORN-nected!

What does a corn with a lot of pimples use?

CORN-cealer!

What do corns eat for breakfast?

CORN-flakes -.- (okay this one is a bit duh, cause Lynette came up with it. HAHA.)

What do you call a flexible corn?

A CORN-tortionist!

Why was the corn thrown into jail?

It was a CORN-man!

What do you call corn ice-cream?

CORN-etto!

Where does a corn go when he's hot?

To an air-CORN room!

HAHAHA. THAT'S ALL THE LAMENESS FOR NOW. HAHAHA. It was really funny cause it's like dancing halfway then someone suddenly whispers "What do you call a corn..." and when someone answers you see this burst of giggles going through and Li lao shi got quite annoyed with us once. :D

Anyways, since I'm on a streak of humour. Tell you something my stupid brother did that made my family crack up like mad.

That day he happened to be in one of his more irritatingly high moods. He'll start talking a lot of crap and doing stupid things. So yeah, we were at the carpark and in his stupid mood, decided that he wanted to imitate a penguin.

And so he started making weird faces and doing the penguin walk and I was just going to snap at him to stop acting like an idiot, when he slipped and fell on a puddle.

He literally just slipped on the puddle and landed on his bottom smack in the puddle of water. I honestly couldn't decide whether to be annoyed at him or laugh and evidently my parents felt the same way. Classic I tell you, their faces. But yeah, in his high mood, my brother started laughing uncontrollably and got the whole family doubled up in laughter. It was so retarded I tell you.

So he had to go up and change and everything, and I felt so disturbed for a short while after that knowing that we were related. I mean, someone doing something like that is already super retarded, but that someone happens to be my brother! Goodness. BUt yeah, it was really funny. HAHA.

Okay that's about all, going to enjoy my holiday now, by lazing around the house. ho-hum. :D

BYEEEEEEE (:

DELIRIOUS TERM 1

2009-03-16T10:55:00.003+08:00

Term 1 2009 is officially over. My days of singing like a mad dog in class only to the "can you sing softer!"s of Abigail's (who fyi, sits, in the next row, 3 tables in front :D) and Melody's constant weird looks at Jing and I. HAHA. Term 1 was FUNN.

Yet, as I type this, it seems almost like a sin to type the word FUN. I get this strange feeling like

"WHY ARE YOU HAVING FUN IN SEC 4?!? THAT IS WRONG. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING. MUGGING! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" and I feel so bad.

But Term 1 with JING was awesomest shizz. HAHA. She is such the gay little girl, just refuses to admit it. :D And it's really fun to talk to her! Tell her all sorts of weird things, share my life story with her! (hahaha) listen to her talk too, ehh, talk all kinds of crap together, make fun of teachers together (heh, DL and AY eh!), counting SSSHHs together, changing song lyrics together when we fail tests,

Can we bring yesterday back around?

Cause I know how to do this question now. XD

Ooh, and how we always both don't do homework or know anything the teacher is talking about. It's always like

"What did she say?"

"Don't know."

both laugh.

"Why did they put us together?"

"I didn't bring my worksheet, can I share with you?"

"Oops, I don't think I brought mine either!"

both laugh.

"Why did they put us together man?"

BUT BUT BUT JINGO IS REALLY GREAT AT MATH. Thank goodness for that smart sharp brain of hers. She always helps me pick out my careless mistakes when I get stuck.

"JINGO. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW. MY ANSWER IS FUNKY."

"Wait, let me see. (checks my working) Oh my gosh, Vanessa, you went to multiply the thing instead of minus."

"Oops. I should stop being so careless."

"INDEED."

I think my math did improve a li'l! I THINK. hahah.

MEMORIES, JING, MEMORIES. :DD OOH, and the best part of sitting together, the lyrics printing. I don't think anyone does it like we do.

"I'm just a little bit caught in the middle, life (starts to hum) "na na na, dum dum I don't know the words anymore."

both laugh. "okay I'll go search for lyrics!"

I have a whole file for all the lyrics we've printed. we have like the lyrics of about a hundred songs. From songs like 'damaged' to 'everyday' to 'breakeven' to 'the show' to 'lucky' to 'can i have this dance' to ' a whole new world' to 'bubbly' to 'i hate this part'. IT'S MADNESS I TELL YOU. but totally fun when you don't know the words to songs you like to sing okay! :D

Oh, and singing bleeding love together when that time of the month comes around, haha. Woah, ten weeks together is a long time, but it's over ): REALLY HOPE I GET A GOOD SITTING PARTNER NEXT TERM THAT CAN SING WITH ME! But then again, I should really be focusing on working hard next term, cause like, my studies really suck NEED TO BUCK UP CRAZILY FRM NOW!

Talking about bucking up, this march holidays supposed to be mugging and finishing all my hmwk, what am i doing here blogging? Nvm, it's to commemorate Term 1 with JING. oh well, need to go chiong tuition hmwk now :/

BYEEEEE

(p.s. DELIRIOUS WAS AT MY CHURCH AND THEY WERE AWESOME AWESOME FANTABULOUSLY AWESOME. I LOVE THE SINGER'S VOCALS MAN. AND HE HAS COOL HAIR SUPER COOL AND CONTRASTING TO THE OTHERS' BALD HEADS (seriously the rest of the band were bald) AND I ADORE THEIR SONGS! AHHHH!)

My soul sings

My soul sings,

How I love you

I'm gonna be a history maker in this land

I'm gonna be a speaker of truth to all mankind

I'm gonna stand

I'm gonna run

Into your arms

Into your arms again

It's really sad that they won't be performing anymore. This is like the last time they'll be performing in Singapore )): But oh well, they've played a good 17 years, and they should spend the time with their family I guess (: LOVE THEM.

STUDYING.

2009-03-08T19:59:00.003+08:00

OOOOH CHURCH TODAY WAS GOODGOODGOOD. Went up for ministry and was prayed for by this random woman. God spoke to her and told her what was on my mind and she prayed for me about it even though I never said a single word. Even when she asked me I was crying too hard so I only nodded my head yet her word to me was spot on and I honestly felt how real God was and felt a true renewal of my heart.

Am feeling so much better and less emo-ish now! haha. Must learn to obey God and listen to Him instead of making my own decisions! YES. Anyways, went to esplanade library to study with Mavis and Wei qing today after lunch. Was um. Quite dumb cause we finished lunch at like, 2 plus? Then we took the train to city hall right. Cass asked us to help her buy a pair of Topshop undies to spend her 10 dollar voucher, so we detoured up, and then back down to walk to the esplanade.

The walk there took forever and when we finally got there, we searched for an atm for Wei qing to withdraw money cause we were all broke. BUT. The atm could only withdraw 50 dollars and above and Wei qing's mother don't allow. So we went up to the library hungry and thirsty and pathetic. It was already 4 plus then. Couldn't find any seats or tables or anything. Ended up sitting on the floor in this little corner beside a bookshelf. Haha.

After like 20 mins, Wei qing's mother called her and told her she was coming to fetch her. Wei qing did like, half a question for math. Champion. So anyway she left. Mavis and i continued. Mavis looks at me "I'm very tired, going to nap for 5 mins then continue kay." Mavis naps.

I feel so infected by her tiredness and when she wakes up, we find seats at the table and i tell her "my turn." and i nap. When i wake up, it's 5:15 and we have to leave. We leave. It was a pathetic study session.

Lesson learnt? Don't go to places like esplanade library where long distances need to be walked to reach to study. AND BRING MONEY.

Prayer for my heart

2009-03-07T23:15:00.003+08:00

I guess it has made me learn a lot. About God's plan for my life. I should trust that God has a good and wonderful plan for my life. I guess this wasn't part of God's plan. No matter how right it might have humanly seemed to me, it isn't part of God's divine big picture for me. I need God so much now and I pray He still wants me. I know He does but I just feel so unworthy. Like I toss God aside when I have other things to do and come back to Him only when I need healing or a renewal of heart. Does it hurt you, Lord? I'm sorry it does. I shouldn't have followed my heart, I should have followed yours because you know what's best for me. I am only human, I will make mistakes like that through my life, but Lord, please keep this daughter of yours close, never let me go. I love you Lord.

Amen.